[Gareth Croke]

Tonight, on the landmark, never been done before edition of The Croke Report. The V inVasion, we take a look at the invasion of fans of the classic Sci-Fi series on this very forum in a very special edition of The Wørd. The Hell-th Report is back with an update on the latest product from Zaibatsu Pharmaceuticals. In a special sports segment we look at football and wrestling and ask has Daniel Bryan signed for Manchester City, "Yes, Yes, Yes" and WWE thinks it's a landmark doing 1000 episodes of Raw, well I got 8000 editions of The Croke Report under my title belt, and you're not down with that I got two words for you "Nice Try". We salute those individuals who have made a significant contribution to the Nation and we pay homage to the fallen by remembering those who will be sadly missed. And finally they're back... Bears, they're more dangerous than ever and now we have the proof.

This is The Croke Report



Welcome everyone, welcome, welcome, welcome, they're here, they don't drink beer (because they're under age) and they are here to stay. Yes we're talking fans of the hit TV Sci-Fi show V have infected these forums, they have even got their own dedicated section of this forum which carries a medical health warning. It also has spawned a new entry into The Croke Report dictionary, which as you know is a book and as such doesn't exist, which brings us to tonight's Wørd...



Yes Ladies and Gentlemen this very forum has been infected by a group of people known only as Vn00bs or Vn00b in its singular form...
(Either way it doesn't matter the average Vn00b can't spell)
...and they are instant on calling everyone a troll...
(No Goats around here)
...they have come looking for new home to infest and take over, much like the premise of the hit TV Sci-Fi Show V...
(...and Justin Bieber fans)
...they claim they are just here to get information on a Video Game called Grand Theft Auto V, or five for those who don't speak Latin...
(Seriously who gives a XXXX about Latin)
...but there is a danger ladies and gentlemen that they are here for more that just that...
(Not the party food!)
...they are here to possibly lower our IQ's...
(Phew!, at least the potato chips are safe)
...they post in a new form known only to the modern young people and teenagers of today, known as Twittering or tweets, where they post in less than 140 characters...
(I've got 8 characters for them and one is a space...)
...the also speak in a so called "Text Speak" where they abbreviate everything to try and communicate faster, even if that means it takes longer to read as you translate it in your head...
(... Yes they can FO)
...So if you don't want your IQ lowered and you value the sanctity of your mother tongue then do yourself a favour and stay out of the V section or you too could end up a Vn00b... and that, is tonight's Wørd

Now a word from our sponsors.



Welcome back and now on the advertising theme it's now time for The Hell-th Report, brought to in conjunction with Zaibatsu Pharmaceuticals

For all your drug needs™
Coming Soon this Christmas from Zaibatsu Pharmaceuticals™: Ho-Ho-Ho-Rohypnol™

A new product has been released which claims to "Call Shenanigans" when taken anally 5 times a day for an indefinite period of time, this hasn't been released without controversy as some of the active ingredients are said to cause conflict with The Croke Reports latest dictionary entry Vn00bs™. Some ingredients are inactive and as such make no difference to the product however they have been left in the drug to enhance the "anal experience". For the sake of clarity Zaibatsu Pharmaceuticals have released the ingredients list:

Minemommaminesiblingus, Waddium, Ottauex, Robinium, junket, Conoxium, Platiunum-Oxide, Tenaciousoxydodum, Gluto-Trans-Autonium-Starbuncle, Alfrescium, Bappybacononium, Free-Bradicles, Datalanium, Funchunkious, Geomyivalium, Markidum, Lime, Luderhypnol, Kipperoxide, Knifious, Naomium, Parkidium, Seddiomentary, Suckballiziumhomo, Y-Frontishonestizium, Apusdrunkiuos, Portuone, Vanaxium, Venumiunum, Vindotium, Arexicodone, Alcohol (T Grade), CoCoPhalicDickius, Cursinum, DiaTransUbiuniumhomo, Soylent Greene, Kalanoobisium, Kaytwodone, Matiisium, Maxizium, Miamivicium, Doublemiromium, Oviumterbelowvium, Oysterextracius, Pandavium, Piconesium, Promethiumex, Rytrololoiam, Spidvicium, Tchuciuos, Tylenol, Zxiruisesium, Cusimum510 and other inactive ingredients not subject to UN laws on disclosure which include but not limited to Edmashinious & Deeperiumrouge.

Zaibatsu Pharmaceuticals have discontinued the following product Ex-Zee™ due the ingredients listed below:

Maddogium, Vanillinmiximus, Jaycesium, Runillikiumbuggerious, Machidum (aka Rustiousspheres), Daviunium, Outcastinium, Theropiniumoxide, Brodannius.

We'll be right back after this musical, artistic interlude


(Please note do not send in your pictures)
And Now...

Tonight's Sports Report is brought to you by Pig Bladders and Wresting Pandas.

It has come to the attention The Croke Report that some members of this forum need bringing to attention of the wider Nation, they are those who follow what is called the beautiful game, and no I don't mean tiddlywinks, however noble a sport it is, no the beautiful game called Football or Soccer to those who mistake football for the game played with helmets, padding and mostly your hands. Those who post in The Footy Desk deserve a mention even if they do follow the wrong team... yes I'm looking at you Raith Rovers fans, how dare you. Those who try and gloriously fail at predicting the results or players performance need a special mention as well, even if we don't know who most of them are. Then there is the most pressing issue, is WWE Star Daniel Bryan joining Manchester City, we sent our gorgeous correspondent AJ Lee to ask him if his is joining Manchester City.


There's your answer Ladies and Gentlemen

The Brave
and
The Fallen

Here at The Croke Report we pay tribute The Brave. those who deserve a special mention for one reason or another, some may be controversial, others not. These are the opinions of The Croke Report and as such you can go to Hades if you disagree.

The Brave
Demerest - The guy who helped shape me on this forum and kept me straight in more way than one, thank you for the shoulder.
Peachy - Some will make a connection here, but she was a great gal sadly missed from these parts, this place definitely lacks the feminine touch she brings.
Opius - The first to give me what was called Karma back in the day, which ultimately lead to my shiny medal, where are you?
Raindancer - Gave me more Karma, he meant to give me drugs at that rave but I preferred Karma
DexX - Appreciated me for fighting the fight against the tyrannical Console Cartel
Gangsta Killa/Andrew - Went through a rough patch some time ago, but he's part of the fightin admins now
Dup - Your dancing skills are wonderful, my Lancastrian Lover.
Ducatti996 - I don't know where you are, but I hope your still doing it right.
Cowpat - Where are you, you funny f*cker?
Illspirit - Get out of hiding and sort out the Vn00b invasion.
Tank - Who doesn't love Tank, if you don't you're barred.
vALKYR - Where are you Crazy Dutchy, I know we had a tête à tête some time ago, but water under dyke.
Flash Caz - Banjo Pubes if that doesn't spike your interest?
Otter - Moose, Eh, Terrance & Phillip, Canadians eh?
Craig Kostelecky - III is good enough for me.
Isara - What happened to Isara?
Man In Pink Bunny Suit - ZING!
CharmingCharlie - Fightin the PC Fight... you weren't there man!
Saget - Where are you as well, all the sensible ones are hiding these days.
Anuj - My Cowboy Picture was class, I wish I knew where I put it.
Zak. - Great minds think alike, Fries in the Shake... bellissimo.
TonyZimmzy - Added to the list of missing folk
hybrid88 - As are you
AmyJones - How Vanzy puts up with you... actually that's the other way round.
Domeux - Keep your nose clean and you'll have a great future on this place, CTID
trip - A grumpy ol' bugger like me, we grumpies will unite and take over
GTA_stu - ... ... ... seriously no words can describe you.
Wolf68k - PC & Tech legend, one of the most respected on here
Luke - ...
TheGreatGig23 - Your music taste is giving you a spot on this list. (What happened to TheGreatGig1-22?)

I would also like to thank all those Grumpy Old Forumers who always make me feel I'm not the only insane son of a gun in this world.
Select Members of The $outh $ide Hoodz, Andolini Mafia Family, Leone Family Mafia, Parcel Force, The Connection & The Precinct who are too many to mention.
The following staff, jelly(beans), Craig, adamcs, Andy(Pandy), G1T, Girish, Moonsheild, Xcomm.
There are many others who deserve a mention and I'm sorry if I've missed you off the list.

The Fallen
GTA3Freak2001 - I was away when this news broke, and I feel terrible for not paying my respects sooner, Freaky was legend on this forum and respected by a huge amount of this forum and it's members past and present. He gave me Karma which doesn't seem a huge gesture in a Digital Age, but it can be surprising how special that can make you feel... take note newbies, contribute well and be nice and that little thank you can make a big difference down the line. Sadly missed.
odie - Was a modding legend, when I see fun park style mods for GTAIV, I always think what would odie have done with GTAIV, he would have loved it, sadly he never got to see it. Respect is very much due from those who have had a modding background and those who appreciate the part he played in the modding community.
Others - There have been others who deserve a mention, Kutt for example, and those who have felt personal tragedies like Kevin. I salute you all and hope those they've left behind are doing well.

We'll be right back



And Finally...
BEARS!!

Finally the The Croke Report has obtained this disturbing footage of a Bear attack, proof that Bears are the number one threat to us all, the Godless killing machines they are. Our respects go to the family of the poor man who was attacked.



Truly Shocking scenes there Ladies and Gentlemen, stay safe Nation and I'll see you again with another special edition of The Croke Report

[El Zilcho]

QUOTE (Gareth Croke @ Wednesday, Aug 29 2012, 00:53)

(I've got 8 characters for them and one is a space...)

It's f*ck you isn't it?

[Icarus]

Unique.

Well done. I'm glad to see you've come back to the place after a fairly extended absence.

[El_Diablo]

I don't get it.

you're ripping off the Colbert Report but in text form?

[Rebel]

Very nicely put together, congrats on the 8K you got yourself all very well thought out and long posts I have to say.

[Audiophile]

Interesting take on the V section. I agree 100%

And I annoyed you today when I used the word "troll" to describe a select amount in that section, didn't I? I apologise for the lack of a better term and I blame my lowered IQ from being in that section too long.

Really enjoyed "the Fallen" section of your post. Respect to all those posters and R.I.P.

And lastly, a big congratulations on the 8k milestone. Here's to another 8, 000 wonderful posts.

[4 Bagger]

Wow, you really made an effort, unlike most of the other milestone topics.

Congrats mate...

[Edmachine]

That was the best milestone topic this year.

I hope EDManufacturing™ can continue cooperating with Zaibatsu Pharmaceuticals™ for years to come. Congrats, Crokey.

[Tyler]

QUOTE (El_Diablo @ Tuesday, Aug 28 2012, 18:02)

I don't get it. you're ripping off the Colbert Report but in text form?

Tyler points to the door

[TheGreatGig23]

Now this is what I call a proper milestone. Beautifully executed, man The respect is much appreciated and more than mutual.

Congrats on the 8K. I'm looking forward to seeing how you can top this.

We do not speak of TheGreatGig's 1-22. They went...missing.

[Greenline]

Extremely cool.

Happy milestone.

[shiva s]

Congratulations on the 8k!
Really appericiate the effort you've put in making this topic.

[gta_player5]

Congratulations and sh*t. This is easily one of the better milestone topics I remember seeing in my time on GTAF. It was worth the read, as opposed to simply saying, "This is my X,000th post" and then listing some user names. Nice touch with the mentions to GTA3Freak, Odie and Kutt. Those three definitely were some well liked and well respected guys.

Well done, Gareth.

This post has been edited by gta_player5 on Wednesday, Aug 29 2012, 00:53

[Vanzant]

Congrats on the 8K!

I'll reach 8K soon enough. I'll be sure to make Vanzant: The saftey guide to the V forum

[blitz]

This is what I call a milestone. Congratulations, and all that.

[trip]

Fancy stuff.

It smells good too.

[EscoLehGo]

I didn't read through the whole thing, I felt like there were some inside jokes I wouldn't get since I'm part of the v-tard club. Congrats though, I really just decided to post in here to say how awesome blitz's sig is. Your sig is awesome, blitz.

[AlexGTAGamer]

Mucho congrats on your 8k.
Great milestone topic.

[Original Light]

Congratulations.

Great amount of effort put into this topic.

What happened to odie? How do we know he died?

[Domeux]

Wow! Sublime milestone topic, no-one's matching that anytime soon.

Congratulations on your milestone Gareth, a top contributor to the forum

CTID