[TheOutlawBiker]

So, on the SA:MP server I play on, I needed to write a story to go with the application. I just wanted a bit of feedback on it. I may continue with the story if I have time.

QUOTE

Joseph Griffin was born in Chicago, IL on April 18, 1987. He grew up working with his dad in his repair shop located on the South Side of Chicago. His mother had passed away when he was young, so it was just him and his father. Joseph or Griff as his friends knew him, first experienced his first encounter with criminal activity when he was 15. Some men in fine suits came to the shop demanind money for protection. Now, Griff's father had a shotgun and a .357 Revolver inside the office where the paperwork was stored. Later that night, a black sedan pulled up as Griff was working on a motorcycle for himself after hours. He heard the screech of the tires and pounding on the door. As he slowly peaked out the window, he noticed three men armed with bats. He slowly made his way to the office and grabbed the shotgun. He reached for the slugs located on the bookshelf, quickly loading them into the gun. He sat there and waited for the men to break in. As the door was broken open and they started to smash various places of the shop, he slowly crept out the door, and took aim at the closest masked man. He pulled the trigger without hesistating and blew the man off his feet. The other two heard the shot and quickly ran out the door. Griff followed them outside and shot at the car, only grazing the side of the car. He went back into the shop, walking up to the man, he kicked him over onto his back and started interrogating him. The man was not talkin. Griff raised the rifle, bringing the butt of thr shotgun to the man's cheekbone. There was a giant crack and the man's head turned sideways, spitting out blood. He quickly ran back into the office, picking up the phone, dialing 9-1-1 as fast as he could. When the dispatched picked up he had described what happened. About ten minutes later two squad cars pulled up, as well as an ambulance. As the police were cleaning up the scene, Griff stood at the garage opening, watching everything. The man was severely injured, and the paramedics said he would need facial reconstruction. Three years later, Griff graduated from high school. Now, he wasn't the brightest in school, but he had street smarts from growing up on the South Side of Chicago. He had told his mother and father he was going to join the Marine's. He ended up working as a mechanic for the army, working on Jeeps. He did this his whole time during his service. During his time, he would receive a letter from one of his childhood friends saying that his father had been killed my the mafia and the shop was burnt down. When Griff returned to Chicago, his most of his friends had served in the marines with Griff. Joseph's father was like a father to all of his friends, they were always hanging around the shop. Usually, more time than they had spent at home. Now, when Griff had gotten word of his father's death, Griff and his friends had become furious. When Griff and his friends returned from their service, they went to a local gun shop and bought some shotguns and .45 Colt handguns. They went back to Joseph's apartment, which was his father's, and devised a plan. They knew where and who the mafia were. They donned ski masks, and loaded up into two cars. When they arrived on the street of the mafia's headquarters, they took n the two guards at the front with fists. Using their training from the marines, they easily subdued the two out front. Griff went back, wiping blood from the side of his mouth, and popped the trunk. Inside, were the guns they had purchased from the gun shop earlier. He passed out the shotguns and the Colts to each of the men. Now, Griff had told to take them all out, no questions asked. They had planned to put a hole in the mafia. The boss of the local mafia was inside, enjoying his evening dinner. Little did he know, it would be his last. The five men breached the door, running in guns blazing. The men barely had any time to react as bullets and slugs flew through the room. The boss had ducked beneath the table he was eating at. The gun fight lasted for about twenty minutes, just as there was one mafia member left. The boss made a run for the back door. Jimmy, one of Griff's friends had noticed, and shot the boss in the leg, instanly dropping him to the floor. As Griff walked over to the boss, he pulled the .357 Revolver that had belonged to his dad from his jacket and put it to the boss' head. Griff didn't say anything, he just sat there, staring at the mafia boss. He pulled the trigger and ended the man's screaming. Everything had fallen silent. As the men started to hear sirens coming down the street, they burst through the back door to the alley, and quickly started the two cars up, and sped off. When the men returned to the apartment, they had decided that they needed to leave Chicago. All the men were choosing to go separate ways. Griff had decided to move to San Andreas. A week later when he arrived, he got to work finding funds to open a repair shop to repair various vehicles as he was taught by his father. He soon bought a Freeway, which he had a deep interest in. He changed up his look, he shaved his head, and got a skull tattoo on the left side of his head. As of recent, he has grown his hair back out.

[universetwisters]

very good, just one minor gripe though: the army stopped using jeeps around the 80s