[Dr-Mayhem111]

Index

#	Title	Author	Date
1	Lifted	Dr-Mayhem111	July 22nd, 2012
2	The Chase	Dr-Mayhem111	July 23rd, 2012
3	Five Minutes	Dr-Mayhem111	July 24th, 2012
4	The Lazy Poem	Dr-Mayhem111	July 25th, 2012
5	Good day, Bad day, Good day again	Dr-Mayhem111	July 26th, 2012

Lifted

People see me as a person with no feelings

Why judge me when you do even know what I'm thinking

I feel pain and sadness and sometimes anger

I'll always be like this, forever

I'm human, not a machine

Like everyone in the scene

Do not judge me because I'm different

Because you do not accept my appearance

You insult me all the time

You may not see it but inside I'm crying

May this message be a lesson

Maybe the hatred might lessen

For your information I do have feelings

Now I feel like I have no ceiling

The wind might make me colder

But now I know all this weight has been lifted off my shoulder

This post has been edited by Dr-Mayhem111 on Friday, Jul 27 2012, 00:43

[Mokrie Dela]

I'm a big supporter of posting poetry up here. It's not the most popular or "coolest" medium, so firstly fair play in uploading it.

Firstly i'm seeing a little bit of uneveness with the flow, some lines seen longer or shorter and thus out of place.

But apart from that i liked reading it. Similar to some of the stuff i used to write, but more direct, whereas my work used metaphors and the like, this doesnt beat about the bush and just says it. simple.

The topic's called "DR.M111 Poem topic" so i hope you'll upload more

[shiva s]

I'm not so good in writing poems but as Mokrie said, the lines are uneven. You should write it in orderly manner i.e if the first line's gonna have 5 words the second line should also have 5 words or if the first line's gonna have 4 words , the second line can contain 3 words. Once again, I'm not good in poems but I really loved the theme of your poem. I remeber, writing many poems like this when I'm young. Anyway, it loos really good. Follow the above words next time and keep the poem coming. Good luck.

[Dr-Mayhem111]

The Chase

Speed is my name

Speed is the game

Speed through rush hour

Speed gives me power

Adrenaline is my drug

I'm never slow like a slug

Look in my rear view mirror

Police lights get nearer and nearer

I put the pedal to the medal

I floor the gas pedal

No such thing as red light

No such thing as left and right

The light is always green

The light I always see

I am the hell raiser

Cut through traffic like a razor

I push it to the limit

To the max speed limit

My life is a race

But now I'm in a chase

Thanks to everyone who are enjoying this topic so far. I will be posting more poems I assure you. I'm planning on posting a new poem everyday, and for now please enjoy my new poem. It is based on nothing but the love for speed which is perfect for many GTA players. And thanks to Mokrie Dela and shiva s for the advice I appreciate it. I would love to see other writers post some poems here so feel free to do so, this topic is all about poetry.

-Dr.Mayhem

[nic_23]

very good mayhem, well written

[Tyler]

QUOTE (Dr-Mayhem111 @ Monday, Jul 23 2012, 21:15)

Speed is my name Speed is the game

Overused template for poetry. I notice you are using a very simply rhyming scheme for your poetry, as well as extremely mundane vocabulary. If you want to improve on the quality I'd advise grabbing a thesaurus, or if you prefer, keeping a website on hand.

Otherwise, if you're serious about your poetry and you want to deliver something more than the angst-rebuttal you have on the first post, then sit yourself down and begin to write out what you feel. Forget the cool rhymes. Forget the vocabulary. That comes later. Right now, get your idea onto paper or screen. Once you do that, then you can begin to organize it and optimize the literary value. Then you can add in the fun rhymes and alliterations and everything else.

Seriously, man, everyone thinks and (at one point usually) says what you have written, but if you would spruce up your wording and throw in quality articulation you'll deliver the idea of angst in a more original and, frankly, enjoyable way.

I'm not trying to discourage you or anything, by the way. I genuinely enjoy reading the poetry people are ballsy enough to post on here, lord knows we never really get any. But a little revision goes a long way, especially in an artform as misunderstood as poetry.

[shiva s]

You're welcome, man. Anyway, I read the second one. I was impressed on your rhyming scene. Glad you've followed what Mokrie and I said. Waiting for more.

[Dr-Mayhem111]

Five minutes

The clock ticks on and on

One minute is now gone

That's sixty seconds done

The time strikes one

I stare at the clock

Still as a rock

One minute passed

Three more at last

Counting the seconds

So far it's the 42nd

Another minute down

Two more to count

I close my eyes

Trying to speed up time

I open them

It's now 1:04 PM

Sixty seconds left on the clock

I'm getting ready to walk

Time is going slow

But we already know

We count the last five

The few we strive

Last minute done

Five minutes gone

Time to go out

To have fun without a doubt

Time flies

Once you close your eyes

Time goes fast, however

Five minutes feel like forever

[Eminence]

I think you're coming up with some really cool ideas to explore, but the way you're delivering them reduces them to pretty simplistic, almost childish forms. I think most of that comes from the rhyming you're employing - they're just too simple, too easy.

Maybe try writing a poem that specifically doesn't rhyme? Don't worry about anything else - just try to get the message across through the word choices and the way they come together, as opposed to the way they rhyme.

[Dr-Mayhem111]

The Lazy Poem

I don't have enough energy to get up

I'd rather sit here and not do anything

I'm writing this poem, free writing

I don't have enough energy to rhyme

Maybe tomorrow I'll have some energy

For now I'll just do nothing

Before I go, let me just say

Today I'm going to be completely lazy

[shiva s]

QUOTE (Dr-Mayhem111 @ Thursday, Jul 26 2012, 01:43)

The Lazy Poem I don't have enough energy to get up I'd rather sit here and not do anything I'm writing this poem, free writing I don't have enough energy to rhyme Maybe tomorrow I'll have some energy For now I'll just do nothing Before I go, let me just say Today I'm going to be completely lazy

Lol. That's a good one.

[Mokrie Dela]

it's like you're not even trying! :\

[Dr-Mayhem111]

Good day, Bad day, Good day again

Yesterday was a nice day, a great day

A day in the month of May

I look up and the sky is blue

And also clouds that are see-through

I see the Sun shining down on me

But I'm under a shade from a tree

I look down and I see green grass

Also the Sun's reflection from the window glass

The flowers my mother planted are growing

I see it dancing with the wind blowing

The sight is beautiful, almost like a painting

Embracing the image is so entertaining

It's getting late, that's a shame

Hopefully tomorrow will be the same

I look out my window and it's raining

The paint from this image is draining

I have to stay inside, that is boring

Outside it's sounds like it's really pouring

The day is over, time to sleep

In the next morning I feel heat

I look outside and it's beautiful again

I smile and say amen

What will today have in store

I shall see once I'm out the door