[Stinky12]

Sorry for your lost dude. Just remember the fun times you had with him. When your down you can do is look at your dad (photo) and just
talk to him as if he's right there. Actually he's always there.

[ryuclan]

A man with no ambitions, no dreams, no hope is not a man but a shell of a man waiting be filled with such things.

[ha! ha! ha!]

people sometimes depressed when some bad things happened....but in this case, I absolutly don't know what to say, sorry to hear the bad news, your father's death......
I want to comfort you but there seems nothing I can do about your sadness....all I can do is just adding reply like this......
I really hope you get well soon...

[newguyz]

I'm sorry to hear that.He must have really been a good parent.

Don't dwell on the sad stuff.Remember the good time you had with him.

Also 6months is not a lot of time - hope i helped!!! (P.S dont mind the ass****s on this forum)

[oksa8]

Sorry for your loss, I know how it feels to lose a close member...


My parents divorced when I was eight years old, and I lived with my mom in a small town. My dad isn't really close to me, I haven't really had close relationship to him in any part of my life. After year from the divorce, my mom began to date this man, from few hundred kilometers away. He was a nice guy, I actually liked him and he's been my rolemodel for the rest of my life, he knew how to take things cool and how to treat people. We visited him few times each month and he spent some weekends at our house, we played football, went to swimming and had fun in general. Until I was 12 and we moved to another, slightly bigger town as my mom had lost his job and found new job in new town, and my grandparents lived in the new town too. So, I went to a new school, lots of new people and as I knew no one, I was the "chosen one". The bullied one. Things went downhill after moving in, I got depressed and went most of my time alone, playing on the computer. Luckily, we visited my step-father every now and then, but not so frequently as we used to and he rarely come to our house anymore, as the distance had just grown, and my mom and step-father were getting into fights more often, but I still kept good relationship with him. My mom actually tried to make me get more distance to him. She actually told me that my step-father suspects the reason why we moved to be that my mom has another man, and they got in fight from that reason very often.

Then the day came. I was on the computer, playing like always, until I got a message from him. He said he'd been cleaning the closets and gathered some of his clothes for me which I might like, and some other stuff, like few seasons of Simpsons etc. I sent him a message asking when he'll be coming again, and he said he doesn't know yet. Later that day, my mom came from work earlier than usually, came to me, hugged and began to cry. I asked her what's wrong, and she slowly whispered, "He... He has died." I got pretty freaked out, couldn't even cry in first two days, just sitting in my room thinking. Why? How? Week went by, I didn't go to school in few days and I couldn't eat almost at all.

Few weeks later, it was his funeral, and I didn't yet know how he had died. Funeral went on, there weren't much people, his family and some co-workers, and our family. After funeral, I finally got answer from my mom how he died. He had committed suicide, by pills. That calm man, who seemed always to be happy when I saw him, had done suicide with a note saying he was depressed, and in depts that he couldn't pay. He's night-time job had huge cost on his personal life, taking him slowly away from his friends.

Life has went on after that. After the funeral, I've only once visited his grave. My mother doesn't want to go there, I have no reason why, but it's been two years from the last time I did. I'd really want to go there, once again. Go to see the yard where we played football, the city where we roamed, and the grave where he's now. Still, after five years, it's really emotional subject to me. I still have some of his clothes in my closet, non-used.


I hope you'll get yourself out of the drug-addiction, think it as your gift to your father. I bet, all he wants from you, his son, is for you to be a man, and live a life that's worth it.
In the picture, he looks like a man I'd like to have as father. Strong, and brave. Haven't really seen many "older" people with that kind of beard.

[Original Light]

Stay strong!

There's many things you can do.

First, try to have something to look forward to.

For example, is there any interests you have? Cars, for example?
Get a muscle car, rebuild it, fix it up.
Something to keep you busy...

Spend time with your family and friends. Your family is going through the same thing you are. You can comfort them, they can comfort you.

Think of the good times you had with your father, not the bad times.

Work out. Don't smoke, and don't drink. It may make you feel better for a short period of time, but it's doing nothing for your body but damaging it. If you think of it, it's a double whammy on your body. Not only are you depressed, but you're also damaging your body by doing that.
If you can't quit completely, which would be very hard to begin with, try to limit it, or do it in moderation.

If you work out, you're releasing endorphins, and you're also making your body stronger.

Again, get a hobby, or a project. Get something to keep you busy, even a job. It will keep your mind of it.

Lastly, if you still like TV, try to watch comedy. Laughing is good for the body.

I'm sorry for your loss, I wish you the best of luck,

-Nick

[NateShaw92]

I am so sorry for your loss I went through the exact same thing nearly 2 years ago, I would say it gets easier but that would be a lie, and lies... lies make this worse, I never got the full picture I feel like things don't add up and that was the worst feeling of all so I am gonna be brutally honest as it is necessary. it does not get easier but the pain does become more sporadic rather than constant. too lost my identty, it does come back but not in full, events liike this change you they are supposed to. I look back, and I see what you wrote and in both situations it seems the same, in both situations it seems like a premature midlife crisis. maybe you and me, we are lucky, because this time now when you lose your identity, your ideas and ambitions, it's better that happens at the start of your path rather than when you are set in your path in the middle of the path. Does thinking this make it easier, no way, nothing can make this easier. From personal experieince the majority of your identity the man behind the ID TheBlackProject will live through this say it. YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS the majority of the identity you had before this tragedy will remain, the parts that did not would just have gone later down the line, maybe, think about the path you were starting on,and think why was I on that path? and do I want to go down it? What I did, I adopted another personality i was essentially a different person for a few weeks a man I call Nathan Shaw (yes) and I took an outsider's look at my first 18 years, at the path i was on, why I was on that path and then I started to rediscover many of my old traits, interests and ambitions such as golf (for interests/hobbies). If you are the kind of person who can be objective, you may want to try this method, it does not help you get over the grief, but it does help with the bottomless feeling of not knowing where you are going who you want to be and even who you are, an identity crisis is inevitable with a tragedy like this, it could come down to simply looking yourself in the eye (need a mirror) and saying "WHO AM I" or maybe asking a friend. stick with your friends in this time always, do not let them slip away or you will slip away. I have been exactly where you are I even had the temptation to grab my passport and get the first f*cking flight out of the country going to a country I would like to go to maybe (holland, denmark, spain, germany, norway for example) then dump the passport on landing and integrate into said country but goes without saying do not do that. This is something you cannot handle alone, no matter how strong you are. I wish you good luck, and I really hope you come through this stronger than ever.

oh sidenote, I said about keeping your friends close, but for me, the person who slammed me into feeling good again a year after the event was a new friend. the old friends had kept the old me alive, stoppped me slipping away but a new friend, call her P, was the one who ended the depression ended the constant feeling of grief (it is still there but sporadic as I said before)

as far as the memories go they come back, you see something innocuous, and memories hit you like a tonne of bricks

but first and foremost kick the drugs they will not be halping matters at all

[Lightning Strike]

Sorry for your loss I understand completely, my grandfather (The primary male figure in my life since my dad left at early age) died four days away from Christmas last year and for quite along time I was in a dark place, I shut myself away from my family and friends never went to visit them. My mother found me drunk ready to take a bunch of drugs that'd kill me within a few hours on new years eve.

Take my advice and don't, whatever you do, shut yourself away from the people that you love and care about, nothing good can come of that and trust me I know. Give yourself time to mourn as well though, you don't deserve to be the one suffering when everybody else is getting the grief out of their systems, if you don't this dark patch'll follow you for a long, long period of your life and that's something nobody should have to deal with.

Keep your chin up and realise that though your situation at the moment is bad, you can with enough perseverance get through it; I won't say that time heals all wounds, but it does blunt the edges a bit.

[4 Bagger]

Sorry for your loss; I couldn't imagine to lose a parent at my age, especially if it was unexpected. It sounds like you had some good memories with him.

Sorry to bring this up, but Cobra's posts made my blood boil. That was so uncalled for and disrespectful.

[TellEmRye]

I can't relate to the loss of a father or a close family member, but i'd say you need to get a hobby or find something that interests you, and lay off the weed too, that stuff does you no justice whatsoever. I'd suggest trying to find something you may want to study at a higher level, and aiming to get there, or look for a job or apprenticeship and really try your best to knuckle down. I had recent problems with not going college and smoking too much weed, but i've managed to sort my act out, I understand your situation is harder but you have to try your best, think of how proud you'll make your Mother after the headache she's endured loosing her husband.

Good luck bro!

[Stinky12]

You should stop taking those drugs, they're not good for you.

[Desmosedici]

I'm sorry that you're going through this at you're age, but I'm going to be extremely blunt: get over it.

First, lay off the drugs/depressants. Especially if all you're doing is dwelling on memories you had with your dad. What you're doing is trying to escape reality, the present, so that your mind can relive the past. You might not know it, or realize it, but this has a very high possibility of turning you into an addict over time, because you'll want to keep getting high because it makes you happier.

Secondly, what about your mom? Have you talked to her? Do you know how she is handling this? She might be struggling financially and mentally to keep her life together and stay strong for you, since you're still under her roof and in high school. You should spend time with her, talk to her, open up to her about how you're feeling. As your mom, she can and probably will help you and soothe you.

Third, you're young and you have your entire life ahead of you. Dwelling on the life of your dad is going to keep you down mentally and emotionally. Instead, why don't you cherish and embrace all the memories of him, and as much as you love him use the image of him as your dad and a man to motivate you to do well in life. If he were still living, he wouldn't want you to be like this, so why should it be any different now that he has passed?

Fourth, if it helps, put your goals down on paper. Everything probably seems like a piece of sh*t right now, but if you're sitting at home curled up in bed high and barred out, your life is going to continue to seem like it's a piece a sh*t until you do something to change it. Do you want to graduate? Do you want to go to college? Do you want a family? Think about how you would like your life to be in five, ten, twenty years, and slowly, day by day, take a step towards your goals.

[TheBlackProject]

QUOTE

but I'm going to be extremely blunt: get over it.

Sorry man but I don't like it when people say "get over it" or "just got to move on". I hate to be a prick but I have to say it, that whoever says that is not right. It's just not the proper term to use. Even though I have no way to reverse time and revive my dad, I'm not just going to simply "get over it". Maybe I can "learn how to adapt to it", that sounds much more appropriate in this situation.

Also, I don't understand what many of you are so against smoking cannabis, when there's a Forum Stoners thread right above this thread in the General Chat sub-forum. When I smoke, it is generally a cannabis sativa strain, therefore it makes me think and analyze my life more. It's not even a recreational drug to me, it's more just like an interesting experience and to help me think about what I will do in the near future. I'm not over-exaggerating but IF the after life is a real place, my dad is happy everytime that I smoke cannabis. My dad would tell my everyday to eat more because I'm fairly skinny, everytime he would come home from work he would ask me if I already had anything for dinner, and regardless of my answer he'd prepare me food for me to eat whether I'd be hungry or not. The problem is, most of the time I am not hungry so I can't eat so much food to help me gain weight, but after smoking cannabis, I just want to eat my refrigerator. So just to get this subject out of the way, I am 100% guaranteed there is no problem with me smoking cannabis. It is also the only substance that can help me cherish my memories of my dad buying me merchandise and products. For example, the other night I was playing Spyro, a PS1 game my dad bought me in 1998. It was my favorite game as a little kid and it's memories like those that I love the most and can have emotional passionate feelings with, because he'd play with me and those were good times. But now that my dad is gone there's no way I have the slightest interest and playing the game, it wouldn't feel nostalgic anymore, it would be "just another game". But whenever I smoke cannabis, I usually have the ability to have the imagination and analization of a young child. But this is besides the point.

I do try to help my mom as I get federal government paychecks monthly under my name, $757 a month. I think my dad might have paid into Social Security. I do help my mom pay the bills with the utilities, car insurance, and cell phone bills. So just because I have a lack of interest in life, doesn't mean I sit on my ass and do nothing.

This post has been edited by TheBlackProject on Sunday, Jul 15 2012, 03:27

[_____]

Drugs and problems don't mix in my opinion. That's why I almost never drink and don't take any drugs, I don't want to be that guy who drinks\get's high every time life gets hard, that's kind of like avoiding the problem and not actually solving it. A lot of drugs like that lead to depression too.

[Extronic]

QUOTE (_____ @ Saturday, Jul 14 2012, 22:55)

A lot of drugs like that lead to depression too.

This isnt that kind of drugs. The feeling may vary, but i think that alprazolam is like a few beers, all placid, but with no haziness. On a positive note, booze wont get you too addictive because of severe hangovers, so thats why they ask you to get a prescription in order to use Xanax.

[I Shot The Sheriff]

Dude, what can I tell you? sh*t I'd f*cking hug you if you were here bro. All I can say is, life goes on. There are more people, more experiences to live, and I hope you find all of that as time goes by. Ganjah is OK, but if I were you I'd seriously try to give up the other two. Your mind is f*cked up, you don't wanna f*ck up your body too. If you don't know what to do with your life, observe the world. See how everything works, think about whether you like or agree with what you see, and try to find something that fills you as a person based on that. Good luck bro.

[OnePiece]

I would suggest you stop smoking for a while, especially if you're just trying to hide from the grief with it. Just stay sober for a while and let things calm down inside your own head. Things will be alright again in time.

[WastedEngland]

Fortunately, I've never experienced losing a family member. In fact, I'm lucky to have never lost anyone close to me yet. Even though my father is healthy and hopefully far from any serious illness, it still clutches my heart to even contemplate losing him, so whilst I can't imagine what you must be feeling, I can sympathize with you and i'm saddened by your loss, R.I.P to your father.

There are others in this thread who know more about coping with such situations than I do, so rather than repeat what they've said (even though it would help, as they're on the ball and the more who tell you how things you're doing now can harm you than help you down the line the more likely you are to change these things) I'll share what I think could help you in your situation.

My advice to you is, to make your father proud. Be this by stepping up to the mark of being the father figure for those in your family, by supporting them in any and as many ways as you can. Your father was proud of you, even if he didn't show it, ask any dad it takes a hell of a lot of f*cking up on your part to make a father lose that pride and you don't sound like one of those f*ck ups. By taking these drugs you're not fully helping anyone at the moment and you're not proving the point I've just made, I'm not trying to throw a guilt trip, just stating the path you appear to be on. You mention that you and your father were close, how about starting a project, a career or course that if he were here now, he'd pat you on the back and say "well done son, i'm proud of you." Of course you'll only hear those words in your head, but they'll mean so much more. You'd make your mother proud, you'd make your family proud, you'd make your friends proud and from wherever your dad is watching, you'll sure as hell make him proud. It's important to note that you don't start something that only he would have had interest in, because once you've finished it may not benefit you above that. Choose something mutual, something that if he were here you'd both take time out of the day to put compassion and interest in to. It'll hurt like hell, whenever you think "dad sure would have loved this" I can bet it'll probably break you in half every now and then but the truth is, it's better to let these emotions out, keep re-running these memories but the important thing is you're moving forward, you have a goal and you're not just stuck in a rut wanting for days in the past. Taking drugs, trying to become an emotionless shell isn't the answer in the long run, it's not even the answer now.

Think of in a year or so, you'll have something in front of you and you can say "I did it dad, I did this for you, I did this for us" and then you can remember what he was like, how happy he would have been and this will make you proud of yourself and he'll be just as proud of you.

This post has been edited by WastedEngland on Monday, Oct 15 2012, 23:07

[018361]

I'm sorry to hear about that man. My dad died of a heart attack when I was 2 years old. He was a mechanic and they just found him slumped over the engine of the car he was working on at the time. Although I was too young to understand what had happened at the time I knew I wouldn't see him again because whenever I asked where my dad was my mother would just say "He isn't going to be back for a very long time" and over the years I eventually found out that he had died. There is a part of me that wants to say "at least you knew your father" but I also understand that because you were able to get to know him it probably hurt you more. Anyway I hope you feel better soon and remember your forum family will always be here with you.

[The-King]

Necro much?