QUOTE (HydraulicWaRiOr @ Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 04:19)
And that's just everyone's response who can't come up with a valid opinion, one of humanity's unalienable rights happens to be freedom of expression, and if that involves thinking that some one has no life and expressing it in a simple way, then so be it, you have to respect that, no matter how "immature" someone is. And this conversation ended when I stated the "problem" with you just as you stated the "problem" with the forum. Im talking to king now, you can leave.
[Supreme]
Stop turning this into a f*cking argument thread. When are you going to get your thumb out of your ass and realize that your're not the only opinion-bearing member on this thread?
*and stop giving Supreme a bad name.
This post has been edited by canttakemyid on Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 04:36
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Guys, I implore you to just ignore Hydraulic. Arguing with him will just go on forever, so please just ignore him. I worked hard on this story, and it would sadden me to see it locked. I just want to keep the hype going in some way, which is why I wrote this in the first place.
OT: Expect Act II: The Heist later in the week!
This post has been edited by GTA-King on Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 04:36
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@The Made Man: Thanks man! Much appreciated!
@Racecarlock: Thank you for the wonderful compliment. Writing is one of my passions, so I was dying to get this story out there. I know it's not the official V story. But with the information we have so far, this is what I came up with. Once we learn the true story, I won't be mad in any way because I know R* won't disappoint. I think one of the reasons my story is appealing because it is essentially a fan fiction, but before the game actually comes out. So it gets people thinking, thus creating hype. That is my goal here.
@cp1dell: Yep, that's what I was going for. I studied the trailer very closely and added stuff from it into my story. Act II is going to focus on the build up to the jewelry store robbery, the actual robbery, and the aftermath. So expect more references from the trailer to be in it, including the actual dialogue from the trailer being put into context.
How many people noticed the references to the trailer in the story? I was hoping to make them somewhat obvious, and sorta like "easter eggs."
This post has been edited by GTA-King on Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 04:56
I read a little bit of it, it's nice. Someone else commented saying 'It doesn't grab the viewers attention', which is really doesn't, but that's not bad and considering you've only started, I'd say it's a good start.
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QUOTE (TinTinn @ Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 05:00)
I read a little bit of it, it's nice. Someone else commented saying 'It doesn't grab the viewers attention', which is really doesn't, but that's not bad and considering you've only started, I'd say it's a good start.
lol, well if you didn't read more than a little bit of it, I would't expect it to grab your attention. I respect your opinion though.
PS. updated the cars in my story so they matched up with the Vehicle Database. Now the characters match what they were driving in trailer, most noticeably Albert with his blue Sentinel and T-Ray with his red Super GT.
It's good you like to here our opinion. All I can say that it seems the cut scenes last a long time, but it is written out as a movie script so things change; there is a fine difference between movie script and game script.
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Yeah, it would have been too hard to write this out as a game script, because I would have to include gameplay as well. So yeah, I'm pretty much going with a movie script style.
Yeah, it would have been too hard to write this out as a game script, because I would have to include gameplay as well. So yeah, I'm pretty much going with a movie script style.
See, that's the thing. Your script won't be the 'exact' same as what it is going to happen but you give a pretty well written, as close you can get, kind of script. So your doing a good job.
Edit/ If I can also add that Albert seems too nice to his family. I think after the years of living in LS, and losing his job and so on, he should become more aggressive.
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QUOTE (TinTinn @ Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 05:12)
QUOTE (GTA-King @ Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 05:10)
Yeah, it would have been too hard to write this out as a game script, because I would have to include gameplay as well. So yeah, I'm pretty much going with a movie script style.
See, that's the thing. Your script won't be the 'exact' same as what it is going to happen but you give a pretty well written, as close you can get, kind of script. So your doing a good job.
Edit/ If I can also add that Albert seems too nice to his family. I think after the years of living in LS, and losing his job and so on, he should become more aggressive.
Thank you!
Oh trust me, once Albert is dragged deeper into the criminal underworld, expect alot of mood changes from him. And all I can say about his relationship with his family... expect it to deteriorate as the story goes on.
Yeah, it would have been too hard to write this out as a game script, because I would have to include gameplay as well. So yeah, I'm pretty much going with a movie script style.
See, that's the thing. Your script won't be the 'exact' same as what it is going to happen but you give a pretty well written, as close you can get, kind of script. So your doing a good job.
Edit/ If I can also add that Albert seems too nice to his family. I think after the years of living in LS, and losing his job and so on, he should become more aggressive.
Thank you!
Oh trust me, once Albert is dragged deeper into the criminal underworld, expect alot of mood changes from him. And all I can say about his relationship with his family... expect it to deteriorate as the story goes on.
Cool story for what it's worth, but as someone else mentioned I'm still hoping the old guy isn't the protagonist. The lovey dovey stuff was a little much but I can see this had a lot of influence from Breaking Bad and I think I know where you're going with that. The protagonists interaction with the gang and the back story for the string of robberies were well done and believable. So like I said, for a forum story based solely of the one trailer we have it's pretty good. Still not excited to play a guy like that though lol
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QUOTE (EscoLehGo @ Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 05:51)
Cool story for what it's worth, but as someone else mentioned I'm still hoping the old guy isn't the protagonist. The lovey dovey stuff was a little much but I can see this had a lot of influence from Breaking Bad and I think I know where you're going with that. The protagonists interaction with the gang and the back story for the string of robberies were well done and believable. So like I said, for a forum story based solely of the one trailer we have it's pretty good. Still not excited to play a guy like that though lol
Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate your opinions.
This is a fine example of constructive criticism, Hydraulic.
Great Story. I don't know why everyone would hate playing as an older Character? I think it would be Great to start out as a Boss/person who know the Criminal World to a young little street punk. I have a Question, in your story is the guy driving the Red Car and the guy running from the cops the same person? I just think that the guy running from the cops "T-Ray" has Tattoo's and the guy in the red car does not. I did like how you mention little things from the Trailer like the guy with the for sale sign and the drug dealer. Keep it up.
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QUOTE (dannyz @ Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 06:16)
Great Story. I don't know why everyone would hate playing as an older Character? I think it would be Great to start out as a Boss/person who know the Criminal World to a young little street punk. I have a Question, in your story is the guy driving the Red Car and the guy running from the cops the same person? I just think that the guy running from the cops "T-Ray" has Tattoo's and the guy in the red car does not. I did like how you mention little things from the Trailer like the guy with the for sale sign and the drug dealer. Keep it up.
Thanks! One of my goals here is to show how an older protagonist would be awesome. He's only 44, which isn't that old at all in my opinion. He does have a little bit of grey hair, but so did Robert De Niro in Heat, but look how athletic HE is...
And to answer your question yes, they are the same person. The red Super GT in the trailer belongs to T-Ray. In Act II, I am going to include the scenes where he's running from the cops. That is actually going to play a big part as well.
PS. Fixed a few grammar errors in Act I, and jotted down some snippets in Microsoft Word that I am going to use to Act II. I know how I want it to be, so it's off to a good start. It's going to be about the lead up to the jewelry heist, then the heist, then the aftermath of the heist. Expect ALOT of action. Act I was developing the characters, so now it's time for some action!
This post has been edited by GTA-King on Tuesday, Mar 6 2012, 07:07
