[GTAboyWonder]

Way After... - Chapter 1 - Several Days


It was a warm, silent, night in Liberty City. Niko Bellic was sitting alone on his couch in the crib that used to belong to Playboy X. As he sat there, listening to the echoes of police sirens coming from the open balcony doors. As he thought to himself about what he could've done to save Kate. The day that Roman was getting married, the day Packie McReary's sister was murdered. Niko then received a call from Roman. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and answered. "Hey cousin, how've you been?" asked Roman. Niko let out a sigh, "Not good Roman, I'm a little lonely here."

Roman then said, "Come visit me and Mallorie here at the penthouse, Cousin.". Niko decided that he should, atleast he'll be doing something. "I'll be there, cousin." said Niko. He hung up, and put the phone in his pocket. Niko entered the elevator and headed out the front door. "Have a goodnight, Mr. Bellic." said the security. Niko entered his black Super GT, and turned the engines on. He then changed the station to L.C.H.C. and drove away. As he was driving past streets, letting the warm air blow in his face, he was glad he survived the troubles.

When he finally reached the hotel, Niko exited the car, and buzzed Roman. "Cousin, I'm here." said Niko. It took a while for Roman to reply. "Ok Cousin, come in.". Niko then entered the elevator, and entered the hallway that led to the penthouse. Niko knocked on the door, and Roman answered. Roman then hugged Niko, "Niko, how you been?" asked Roman. "I'm still thinking about her.". "Aww poor bastard, look Niko, there's plenty of fish in the sea. Big tittied fish." said Roman as he giggled.

Roman thenlet Niko pass, Mallorie saw Niko and she got up from the couch and hugged him. "Niko! I'm sorry about what happened.". "Its OK, Mallorie."
Roman grabbed Niko by the shoulder, "Hey Niko, you've been using that Dating Site me and Brucie told you about?" asked Roman as he passed a beer bottle to Niko. Niko then had a concerned face. "Dating Site? This is America, cousin, not France.". Roman led Niko to a laptop, he then put Love.Meet.net. "Look cousin, you see all these ladies wanting to get there pussy sore." said Roman. "Look Cousin, LAWCHICK seems nice. Oh SOBOHOE, she looks fierce." said Roman.
Niko exited the site and said, "Sorry cousin but...Kate, Kate was different. She was special, When we were headed to the wedding i told her the truth, that I loved her.....Sorry Roman, I have to go now.". Roman stopped Niko in his tracks, "Cousin, come on don't be a pussy. Lets go to a Club ehh?" said Roman.

Niko decided to go, they both then exited the hotel and headed to Masonette 9.
"Wasn't this place closed cousin?" asked Niko. "Yes but they reopened, some Arab guy bought the place." replied Roman. The both headed to the line, where Dessie was checking ID's. He let both Niko & Roman in. That night, was the most fullest of all. As soon as they stepped to the main floor, Luis walked up to them. "Don't I reconize you, bro?" said Luis. Niko did reconize him also. "You're that man who ruined the diamond deal." said Niko. "And you're that man who kidnapped Gracie.". The both looked at each other with envy. All of a sudden, a bunch of Russians stepped in, shooting there guns. Niko, Roman, and Luis took cover. Now, Niko and Luis had to work together now....

[Brookes100]

I've always wondered what happened to niko.

[universetwisters]

so...malorie is cool with roman & niko going to maisonette?

seems pretty cool, i suppose

[ItsOnlyAce]

I would say, revise the first sentence and I noticed that Niko and Roman say cousin in almost every sentence. Maybe space it out a bit more in the next chapter. It may seem like they say it excessively in the game, but on paper it looks a bit iffy. Overall it was a good twist at the end to see them work together and not have Luis and Niko fight.

[Ziggy455]

It's not written badly. The excessive use of 'Cousin' can be mistaken for the excessive use in game but that's okay either way.

You've portrayed Roman as he was when Niko first met him. As the game continues, we see the characters develop. We see Roman turn from a horny idiotic immigrant into a family man, who begins to learn compassion and the use of intellect. He marries Malorie, has a child and even named the baby after Kate. I very much doubt he'd be talking to Niko with such quick quips about there being plenty more fish in the sea.

I like the idea of Niko and Luis pairing up, but there's still grammatical errors. Proofread your work, it can help alot. Besides that, let's see what comes of this.

[GTAboyWonder]

I was sleepy, bored, and tired. I just wrote this for no reason. Sorry, I truly 'am. This will not continue.

[AceRay]

QUOTE (GTAboyWonder @ Sunday, Mar 25 2012, 14:58)

I was sleepy, bored, and tired. I just wrote this for no reason. Sorry, I truly 'am. This will not continue.

Finally!!!

Nah, just joking, you're actually not that bad of a writer tbh. If you got a better concept it could be quite engaging.

[Ziggy455]

QUOTE (GTAboyWonder @ Sunday, Mar 25 2012, 01:58)

I was sleepy, bored, and tired. I just wrote this for no reason. Sorry, I truly 'am.    This will not continue.

You don't need to apologize. We're not trying to say-




-we're offering you constructive criticism in order for you to learn from your mistakes.