[Eminence]

I am adding what I think would make it better - and I'm not being negative. You have an idea that needs a lot of work and you need to deconstruct a lot of the narrative elements before you get to something workable, in my opinion. And until you get to that fundamental stage, piling random idea on top of random idea isn't going to get anyone anywhere.

I'm sorry if my style doesn't suit you. I'm not going to baby you, it needs work.

[Leve-O]

Sorry if I sounded rude in my last post. It just seems like you are focusing on the negative aspects though. I think if you was to add things that in your opinion would make sense, then I think this would work alot better.

And I don't want to be babied. I just want ideas. This is basically a rough, rough draft anyway.

First we should work on the protagonist and his motives, and from there we should have a basic idea where to work from.

This post has been edited by Leve-O on Tuesday, Nov 29 2011, 02:45

[Danni]

Okay, here's my take on the basic concept for your idea, Leve.

-~-

The Premise

Las Vegas-native Gabe Brightman is out of luck. His wife left him on their 15th anniversary. She took everything from him, including his home and children. Suffering from serious depression, he lost his job teaching math at the local community college, due to lack of motivation and repeated no-call-no-show.

After seeing a local card counter was arrested in a newspaper, Gabe decides to give into the temptation of getting rich quick, using his mathematical genius. After earning a score for himself, he attracts the attention of all sorts of troublemakers, from local gangs to the Mafia, all looking for what Mr. Brightman has to offer.

Throughout the story, Gabe slowly discovers he's making up for lost time: with his newfound wealth, he loses the part of who he once was, and slowly welcomes the hedonistic lifestyle that comes with being a rich criminal. Parties, booze, women - all new to him, and he begins to love every minute of it.

However, after the mobs get more and more demanding, Gabe decides he wants out. Of course, once you're a part of 'the Life,' there's no escaping it.

Setting

While initially living in the suburbs of Las Vegas, Gabe sets off for the Strip, leading him to the seedier and ritzier sides of Sin City. Other locations may take place later as well, such as New York and Los Angeles.

Themes Covered

Throughout Gabe's tale, obvious themes will be touched, of course, such as greed, the economic depression, the old adage that 'crime doesn't pay,' and what have you. However, such themes like the importance of family, guilt, depression, and sin will also be played.


-~-

Still, it's impossible to shake that Breaking Bad vibe (also, for the record, my favorite television show ever made). You have to be the call on all these decisions, bro. Hope I was of some use.

[Leve-O]

QUOTE (Danni @ Wednesday, Nov 30 2011, 01:47)

Okay, here's my take on the basic concept for your idea, Leve. -~- The Premise Las Vegas-native Gabe Brightman is out of luck. His wife left him on their 15th anniversary. She took everything from him, including his home and children.  Suffering from serious depression, he lost his job teaching math at the local community college, due to lack of motivation and repeated no-call-no-show. After seeing a local card counter was arrested in a newspaper, Gabe decides to give into the temptation of getting rich quick, using his mathematical genius. After earning a score for himself, he attracts the attention of all sorts of troublemakers, from local gangs to the Mafia, all looking for what Mr. Brightman has to offer. Throughout the story, Gabe slowly discovers he's making up for lost time: with his newfound wealth, he loses the part of who he once was, and slowly welcomes the hedonistic lifestyle that comes with being a rich criminal. Parties, booze, women - all new to him, and he begins to love every minute of it. However, after the mobs get more and more demanding, Gabe decides he wants out. Of course, once you're a part of 'the Life,' there's no escaping it. Setting While initially living in the suburbs of Las Vegas, Gabe sets off for the Strip, leading him to the seedier and ritzier sides of Sin City. Other locations may take place later as well, such as New York and Los Angeles. Themes Covered Throughout Gabe's tale, obvious themes will be touched, of course, such as greed, the economic depression, the old adage that 'crime doesn't pay,' and what have you. However, such themes like the importance of family, guilt, depression, and sin will also be played. -~- Still, it's impossible to shake that Breaking Bad vibe (also, for the record, my favorite television show ever made). You have to be the call on all these decisions, bro. Hope I was of some use.

This is the post I have been waiting for! I love everything you had to offer! If you want, since I came up with the basic idea and you came up with an awesome premise, I'd be willing to share this story with you and we can work on it together? You seem like you have alot of experience in this kind of thing.

And true it does have that Breaking Bad vibe to it. But that's the reason why I thought up this story in the first place. If people love Breaking Bad, they will love this story! Michael Myers is similar to Jason Vorhees... so I see no problem in making a story like this.

Again, well done man! Extremely helpful!

This post has been edited by Leve-O on Wednesday, Nov 30 2011, 04:59

[Danni]

Sure, I'd love to help co-write it. One thing to note: Friday the 13th came out after the first Halloween.

[Leve-O]

QUOTE (Danni @ Wednesday, Nov 30 2011, 20:13)

Sure, I'd love to help co-write it. One thing to note: Friday the 13th came out after the first Halloween.

Sounds great! And I know, but look how successful Friday the 13th is by having alot of similarities with Halloween.

[tejewelry]

This story line has a good variety, the general comedy generally end, many writers have hope that this, of course, the story itself or from life, I suggest you live more than experience, from life, not the same as found in the entry point, to give you inspiration

[Leve-O]

Gonna begin typing up the story sometime next week. Danni is going to help co-write.

Brace yourself people!