[The_Anti-tragedy]

QUOTE (billy james @ Sunday, Aug 5 2012, 03:07)

2) Niko, who trys shooting it

Niko gets his Micro SMG, and shoots at the Slender Man. It dodges the bullets.
Niko: You dodged the bullets? You're slender, man!
The Slender Man chases Niko to his car. Niko gets in his Infernus and runs over the slender man. He gets up and picks up a chainsaw. Brucie saves the day by grabbing the slender man's neck, punching his head, kicking him in the balls, and stretching his arms and legs while pushing back his nuts with his[Brucie] legs. Brucie throws the Slender man onto a police chopper's blades. The Slender Man's guts splatter all over the place. Brucie pukes half of his insides. He dies. Niko drives his Infernus to the bar to drink his problems away. There, a hooded customer orders sixteen martinis.
Niko: Now there's someone that takes risks.
The hooded figure takes off the hood revealing Dakota's face.
Niko: DAKOTA!!
Niko swoops down onto the counter, knocking drinks over and smashing the martini glasses onto Dakota's head. He whacks Dakota with the cash register and throwing picture frames through her head. Dakota grabs Niko's wrist by force and slams him onto the bartender. Niko farts on the bartender. Dakota punches Niko's face. Niko smashes her face against the counter. She gets up and kicks Niko in the balls. Niko winces in pain, slowly going down by the door. Someone steps up from the haze and grittiness. Roman who just drank 600 shots throws Dakota onto the doorstep, then the used dartboard. He pierces her face with the backend of the darts. He grabs some darts and sticks it in Dakota's head. He stretches her, throws the bartender's unconscious body at her. He beats up Dakota really really bad. He smashes her onto the metal of a train in the subway. He smashes her head onto the window. He also slams her onto a bench, then throws her off the subway, onto the traffic-filled road below. She gets ran over by a truck, two cars, and one Patriot. Then gets chopped up by an Annihilator's blades.
Roman: ... Niko! Crap, I forgot them!
Roman runs back for Niko. They ride to the Alderney safehouse. Roman then goes to...
1. A bowling alley.
2. A Justin Bieber concert.
3. Brucie's home.
4. [insert place here]

Ninja Edit: 69th page!

[MarijuanaMonkey]

QUOTE (The_Anti-tragedy @ Sunday, Aug 5 2012, 03:41)

4. [insert place here] Ninja Edit: 69th page!

Yay! F*ck yeah! 69th page!

Roman goes to TW@ Internet Cafe brach in Berchem, Alderney. Roman decides to play online poker, he enters the game, after a short while, he sees an Internet advertisement. It says "You want to be rich?" Roman sees and says "Absolutely I do", he clicks on the advertisement, so an other pop-out pops out: "So don't big up your ass with sitting, smoking, abusing and drinking. Join us and have a lifestyle and be a rich asshole". Roman clicks on the pop-out and takes the job application adress. That's th same warehouse Niko is trapped by Bulgarin and Rascalov in the mission "Russian Revolution". Roman goes there and a mysterious man pops out.

Who's the man and who's the job will make Roman rich?

1. Steve Scott who is searching actors for his new porn film.
2. Tommy Vercetti who is looking for a man to look after Vice City for him.
3. Steven Jabowitz who had founded an Online poker site and looking for a Moderator for it.
4. Louise Cassidy-Williams who is looking for a babysitter for her little, cute baby Mary-Beth Williams

[The_Anti-tragedy]

QUOTE (MarijuanaMonkey @ Sunday, Aug 5 2012, 13:57)

1. Steve Scott who is searching actors for his new porn film.

Roman: I'm here to do porn with a woman!
Steve: Oh no, I'm bisexual, and all of my female actresses are all on meth so you're the only one here.
Roman: Oh. So I have to give you a blowjob for $1,000,000?
Steve: Yup.
Roman calls Niko on his phone.
Roman: Niko, just saying hi. I'm going to be sucking a man's dick now.
Niko: What about the money I earned us by doing all those missi- *Roman hangs up*
Niko runs to his NRG900. He does the stunt jump from Alderney to Algonquin, drives through Star Junction, onto the bridge. He rides off the bridge onto the roof of the warehouse.
Steve: Ooh, an all-male threesome. Great!
Niko runs over Steve. Then him and Roman grab the body to throw in the Humboldt River.
Roman: We can't just leave it here? 'Cause you know, he's covered in...
Niko: Blood?
Roman: No, tire marks. Ew.
Niko:
Niko and Roman finish dumping him into the river, the two drive to Roman's cab depot in East Hook. They see Carl Johnson riding a bicycle pedalling as fast as he can. Niko realizes that something is going horribly wrong.
1. An earthquake is happening.
2. A morbidly obese Dwayne walks the streets.
3. Time ripples ensue due to Niko and friends poking holes in the space-time continuum by going to 1992 Los Santos instead of 2012.
4. The Pegorinos, Pavanos, Korean Mob, Gambettis, Ancelottis, M.O.B's, Albanians, Hillside Posse, Jewish Mob, The Messinas, the Triads, the Loan Sharks, Russians, North Holland Hustlers, and the Dominican Drug Dealers are having numerous explosive shootouts on the streets of Liberty City.

[AlexGTAGamer]

QUOTE (The_Anti-tragedy @ Sunday, Aug 5 2012, 21:07)

3. Time ripples ensue due to Niko and friends poking holes in the space-time continuum by going to 1992 Los Santos instead of 2012.

Niko: "CJ, what's going on?"
CJ: "It's the end of the world man! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"
Pedestrians begin to panic and run around whilst vehicles crash into each other, and rioting and looting soon ensues around Liberty City.
Roman: "Niko, what are we going to do!?"
Niko: "Stay calm Roman. You phone up and Mallorie and all of our friends, and we'll all meet over at Happiness Island."
Roman: "What will you do?"
Niko: "Just do it Roman!"
Niko takes off and Roman runs around the warehouse phoning everyone that Niko told him to phone.

Niko drives over to Southern Algonquin whilst pedestrians, vehicles, buildings and other past GTA era things begin to fall from the sky.
Niko: "This is insane!"
He accidentally plows through some Leone mafia goons who fall from the sky by the G,L&S building, and narrowly avoids crashing into a burning Hydra by the construction site.

When Niko finally gets to the marina and grabs a boat the SPANK ship from GTAIII crashes into a building and causes debris to rain down on Niko, but he just manages to get to Happiness Island, there he finds, Roman with Mallorie, Brucie, Little Jacob with Badman, Packie with his family, Dwayne, Luis with Tony, and Johnny with the Lost MC.
Roman: "Niko, thank goodness you arrived!"
Little Jacob: "What we gwon do now brodah?"
Niko: "We're going to save the world." *Heart Of Courage begins to play*
Luis: "How are we going to do that yo?"

Niko: "
1. We're going to go to Area 69 and steal a piece of weaponry that will patch this black hole up and send everything back to the way it used to be."
2. We're going to get on a boat and get as far away from here as possible until this sorts itself out."
3. Actually, I have no idea what we are going to do."
4. We have to destroy the heart inside the Statue Of Happiness so then the game will restart."
5. We have to go and find Sam and Dan Houser, they'll know what to do."

This post has been edited by AlexGTAGamer on Monday, Aug 6 2012, 22:18

[The_Anti-tragedy]

QUOTE (AlexGTAGamer @ Monday, Aug 6 2012, 22:15)

1. We're going to go to Area 69 and steal a piece of weaponry that will patch this black hole up and send everything back to the way it used to be."

Niko: Does anyone know maybe how long we have before time destroys itself?
Tony: I'd say... 3 hours!
Badman: Three full hours tah get to da West Coast?! We never make it, meh bredahs!
Luis: Let's get goin'! Come on everybody!
Everyone gets in five helicopters from Higgins Helitours, and they all head for Area 69. Niko, Roman, Brucie, and Dwayne in one, Packie, Gerry, Francis, and Derrick in another one, Packie's ma, Kate, Little Jacob, and Badman in a third one, Luis, Tony, Johnny, and Jim in a four chopper, while Angus, Terry, Clay, and Billy in the fifth chopper. Everyone follows Niko's chopper.
Kate: How do I fly a helicopter?
Packie: Kate, just hold the R2 button on the dashboard. Turn left by pressing L1, and right by R1. Use the left joystick to lean forward!
Derrick: What about Xbox?!
Ma: Hear Kate dear, let me take the controls. Nice and easy. Nice... and... EEAAASSSYYY!!
Packie's Ma flies the chopper super fast, all perfectly. Everyone starts following her. They fly all the way to Colorado. GTA characters then start falling from the sky. A Hydra falls on top of Niko's chopper. They crash. One of Zero's inventions falls from the sky. It gigantisizes the Hydra.
Niko: HEY EVERYONE!
Everybody stops their choppers, and land near the Hydra. The 20 characters all get inside the huge Hydra. Niko flies the plane at supersonic speed while white cracks start appearing in the background.
Brucie: We're running out of time, NB!
Niko: I'm trying as fast as I can!
Tony: Well it ain't good enough!
Terry: Oh sh*t! Looks like it's the end. I just have one thing to tell everyone... I'M GAY!
Everybody: ... ... ...
Luis: I did Carmen Ortiz.
Terry: What?
Luis: Oh I thought we were saying totally obvious things for a second.
Gerry: BUUUURRRNAH!
Packie: Sit down, Gerry.
A giant Buzzard appears on the side of the Hydra.
Little Jacob: I think those be the Area 69 bloodclot guards!
Derrick: No. It's... a Golden Buzzard?
The Buzzard starts playing Arab Money by Busta Rhymes as it gets closer.
Yusuf: WHAT IS UP, MAH NIGGAS!
Niko: Yusuf? How are you flying at superspeed to catch up with us?
Zero: Hi everybody!
Everyone: ZERO?
Then a superfast jet flies above the Hydra. The window lowers. The pilot is Dakota Carrington.
Roman: Dakota again? I thought I killed you?
Dakota: ... No you didn't.
Dakota jumps into the Hydra, Brucie throws a fire extinguisher at her. Packie and Gerry kick her a lot. Dakota smashes the dashboard of the plane while backing up. The plane goes even faster.
Gerry: Half a bottle of whiskey, and now this? *bllaaghah!*
Gerry's vomit covers Dakota. Kate punches her face.
Kate: Now no one can say that I didn't contribute to this storyline.
Dakota runs toward Niko, who is controlling the plane. Yusuf takes a turn for the worst, and nosedives the Buzzard right into the Hydra. He chops up Dakota, he also killed Clay.
Luis: Oh man. That's one less black guy on this trip.
The white cracks in the atmosphere begin to enlarge, the plane finally crashes at Area 69 once Niko turns. Johnny and Jim then find a possible alien artifact.
Jim: What do you think this does, Johnny?
1. The machine switches their bodies.
2. The object instantly electrocutes Johnny, knocking him out onto the floor.
3. A small alien pops out of the object. Brucie then has a throwdown with it.
4. Roman is super concious about this object, and slides onto the counter, knocking things onto the floor, releasing toxic gases.
5. The machine is just what they need. (WARNING: Not recommended due to abrupt ending.)

[billy james]

2. The object instantly electrocutes Johnny, knocking him out onto the floor.

(Jim) Holy sh*t, are you all right

(Johnny) Yeah I am
The machine also shocks Billy, Packie, Niko and Luis
The machine then transforms into a robot that shoots electricity
(Tony) RUN!!!
They all start running in one direction and then they run into another Robot that shoots Fire
What happens next???
1) They all split up
2) They try to fight the robots
3) Elecbot and Firebot start fighting each other

[The_Anti-tragedy]

QUOTE (billy james @ Tuesday, Aug 7 2012, 03:28)

2) They try to fight the robots

Gerry: Charizard, I choose you!
Gerry throws out a pokeball that a Charizard comes out of. Charizard puts Elecbot on fire but Firebot burns Charizard.
Gerry: Charizard, return!
Niko gets up after Gerry retrieves his Pokemon.
Niko and Angus get a bucket of water and throw it on the Firebot. The firebot shoots fire on Roman's face. Niko punches the robot against the wall. He slams it on a dashboard. The broken controls make Area 69 travel through time.
Angus: We got him!
Niko: For a cripple, you're a pretty good shot.
Niko, Roman, Brucie, Packie, Dwayne, Jacob, Badman, Gerry, Francis, Derrick, Packie's ma, Kate, Terry, Angus, Billy, Johnny, Luis, Tony, and Jim all travel to 1992. Roman spots someone on Grove Street. This person is Dimitri Rascalov.
Niko: Dimitri Rascalov, you rascal of the Rascalovs!
Roman: Try saying that five times fast.
Kate: What are you doing in Los Santos?
Dimitri: I went to Quahog and took Stewie Griffin's time machine to 1992 Los Santos. I kept travelling there so the time ripples would create a black hole, sucking the universe outside the space-time continuum! I just didn't expect you and so many people to make it this far.
Packie: You son of a bitch!
Dimitri: Time is like tissue paper, Niko. You travel somewhere, you poke holes. You keep travelling there, you break the tissue paper! I learnt that from a book! Books R' Us, from storybooks for toddlers to science fiction novels for adults! Shop there today!
Niko: You won't get away with this, Dimitri! Everyone, leave it to Roman, Packie, Brucie, Jacob, Dwayne and me, and some other people I know, to solve this big whoop.
Gerry: I always wanted to go to Las Venturas.
Gerry, Francis, Kate, Ma, Johnny, Terry, Angus, and Billy go to Las Venturas. Badman, Jim, Derrick, Luis, and Tony go to San Fierro.
Niko: Guys, follow me.
Roman, Brucie, Jacob, Dwayne, and Packie follow him to Grove Street. Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio plays while CJ, Sweet, and Kendl walk down the sidewalk. Niko and friends meet the three and explain the whole thing to them. The nine get in a Bus, then drive to Area 69. CJ shoots federal agents guarding the place. They soon find an Area 69 object that will shut off the black hole and stop its madness. They then drive to San Fierro to pick up the other characters, then go to Las Venturas where Francis, Gerry, Ma, Kate, Johnny, Terry, Billy, and Angus are with Salvatore Leone and Maria Latore.
Francis: Hey Ma. Maybe you could get some fashion tips from that Maria girl.
Maria: I can help for sure. First, you gotta get your hair done, let's go to the salon.
Brucie: We got it!!!!
Brucie knocks down the door holding the artifact that will close the black hole.
Roman: Let's stop that glory hole!
Niko shoots a laser beam from the device that closes the "lips" of the black hole. The black hole makes cringing white cracks appear again before totally disappearing. Dimitri runs up behind Niko and jumps onto him, pushing him into a fireplace. Niko rolls around on the floor trying to put out the fire. Dmitri throws the device out the window where FBI agents are looking for it. They retrieve it, Dimitri knocks out Dwayne and Packie. He then grabs an assalt rifle from CJ and shoots him in the head. Luis and Johnny then put a net over Dimitri's head. Dimitri stumbles into the fire. The fire spreads and kills Salvatore, creating an alternate universe for the future. Maria gets half her dress burnt off, and Brucie grabs Niko, Dwayne, and Packie while running out of the mansion. Terry and Angus start the engine whilst the people are running out the mansion. The black hole unfortunately pulls open again, and sucks in Brucie, Gerry, and Derrick. Francis kills the FBI agents and retrieves the device. He shoots the beam at the black hole.
Francis: See guys, I did do something! I really di- *Gets crushed by falling cargo ship* Ma and Kate get in the limo, along with Maria, Niko, Packie and Dwayne knocked out, Roman, Jacob, Badman, Terry, Angus, Johnny, Luis, Tony, Billy, and Jim. They all get in in time and ride to Los Santos into the roomy time machine that was from Area 69. Dimitri, now having some third-degree burns, has survived the fire, and grabbed a chopper. He blades the time machine all the way to Liberty City in that time. They travel to 2012 Liberty City, everyone is OK, safe, Dimitri is stuck in the past, but Maria is with them. And all questions have been answered by a turn of events.
Niko: Wait, what about Brucie, Gerry, and Derrick?
Johnny: And Clay?
Packie: And Francis?
Luis: And what do we do with Maria?
Tony: And where did Yusuf go?
Narrator: Okay, well not all questions.
Brucie, Gerry, Derrick are sput out of the black hole that opened up again. Maria shoots the beam again that closes the hole. Clay, Francis, and Yusuf respawned at the hospital. And the characters kill Maria. But the present is totally different in some way.
1. Salvatore died in the fire so he never ruled the Leones to Liberty City, thus Claude never actually killed him, making him useless to the Yakuzas, and he never got the links to know where Catalina was, therefore she killed him by surprise, and now she rules Liberty City.
2. Salvatore died in the fire so Toni was never made a man so his Ma was never proud of him, so she commited suicide. Her restaurant in LC never survived, Claude was never given the missions tormenting the Triads, the Triads moved to Staunton, but had to fight with the Yakuza, Forellis, and Sindaccos. Thus, LC is now a wasteland and aftermath of a cold war that lasted seven years.
3. Everything's the same, but the price for burgers at Burger Shot are higher, thus Roman goes insane, so the place gets destroyed by Roman.
4. Salvatore died so Claude never killed him, making Asuka and Kenji have the Yakuzas rule the city, but get destroyed by the Russians in 2006, and now Kenji is dead, everyone Asuka knows is dead, so she uses a vibrator more frequently. The vibrator gets more good reviews, thus the price is higher, so there really is no hope for Brucie.

This post has been edited by The_Anti-tragedy on Tuesday, Aug 7 2012, 04:23

[Pilotmonkey]

Niko:Roman Want to go bowling?
Roman: Ok let me put on my stretchy pants any my Pokeball bowling ball...
10 minutes later at memory Lanes...
Niko: Roman how bout you go first,Ladies are first right?
Roman: Thank you cousin,You jackass
Niko.*Points gun at roman*
when kate walks in.
Kate: NIKO HOW COULD YOU...
Angus walks in slaps kates ass
a few days later Niko Is spying on Carmen with a telescope
only to Find out shes a transvestite.
Niko Readies his sniper rifle and all concentrated when roman calls and Niko Gets startled.
He drops the Rifle and it falls about 6 storys Infront of Packie whos just taking a stroll.
The gun hits the sidewalk and shoots a cop in the ass.
Cop:Officer down Officer Down... *Falls the ground*
Cop:Tell Donut I-I Love H-Her....
Cop 2: Hey Stop right there.
Niko accidently triped at the top and fell.
Niko: ARRGGGGG i cant belive I dated a transvestite... and now im going to respawn at the near hospital, This is the work week ever Ahhhhhhhhh
Niko stoped falling a minute ago when he landed on Cop 2.
Niko: Oh im alive this isn't so bad
Then Niko sees team rocket blimp but at the bottom of it he sees a chubby guy
Niko: Is that roman?
Niko calls roman
Roman: Hello...

This post has been edited by Pilotmonkey on Tuesday, Aug 7 2012, 05:26

[billy james]

QUOTE (Pilotmonkey @ Tuesday, Aug 7 2012, 05:13)

Im not sure what happened... Someone catch me up?

Well try reading it where you were up to, rather than waisting our time with stupid questions

[AlexGTAGamer]

QUOTE (The_Anti-tragedy @ Tuesday, Aug 7 2012, 05:19)

2. Salvatore died in the fire so Toni was never made a man so his Ma was never proud of him, so she commited suicide. Her restaurant in LC never survived, Claude was never given the missions tormenting the Triads, the Triads moved to Staunton, but had to fight with the Yakuza, Forellis, and Sindaccos. Thus, LC is now a wasteland and aftermath of a cold war that lasted seven years.

Liberty City is a charred wasteland filled with twisted metal structures, partial brick walls, burning vehicles, and "wasteland people" living amongst the ruins.
Niko: "Oh man, this isn't good."
Roman: "Where's Algonquin? Where's Hove Beach? Where's our houses?"
Brucie: "MY GARAGE! MY PENTHOUSE! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!"
Niko: "Brucie, calm down!" *Smacks him* "I know this is going to sound like a terrible idea, but I think it would be best for us to all break up and go to different parts of L.C."

This is how it's going to be done:
Niko and Roman in parts of Algonquin (Happiness Island included).
Brucie in BOABO, East Hook and Broker.
Packie and his family in Meadows Park and Dukes.
LJ and Badman in Schottler, Beachwood City and Dukes as well.
Luis, Tony and Yusuf in Bohan and in the areas where their clubs used to be.
Johnny and the Lost MC in Alderney.

Niko and Roman go to Happiness Island and Roman falls to his knees ready to do an impression from "The Planet of the Apes" before he is attacked by some familiar faces.
Mohammed: "Give me your clothes sh*thead!"
Roman: "Mohammed? Is that you?"
Hossan: "Don't listen to him, take his possessions!"
Ivan: "Yeah!"
Niko: "Ivan? Hossan?"
Hossan: "Niko? Where the hell have you been these past years?"
Niko: "You don't want to know."
Mohammed tries to attack Roman with a stick covered with barbwire by Ivan hits him over the head with a brick when he realizes that Roman is with Niko.
Ivan: "Sorry about that, things have been real crazy around here."
Roman: "Who's in charge of L.C now?"
Ivan: "You won't like this."
Niko: "Who is it?"

Ivan: "The people who run what remains of Liberty City out of the partially destroyed City Hall are...
1. The ETTVSO."
2. The Russian Mafia, headed by Dimitri and Ray Bulgarin."
3. The Pegorinos."
4. A large group of rouge LCPD, NOOSE and FIB officers."
5. Someone called Mr. ULPC."

This post has been edited by AlexGTAGamer on Tuesday, Aug 7 2012, 18:18

[The_Anti-tragedy]

QUOTE (AlexGTAGamer @ Tuesday, Aug 7 2012, 18:12)

2. The Russian Mafia, headed by Dimitri and Ray Bulgarin."

Niko: Dimitri? weren't you left with severe burns and stuck in 1992?
Dimitri: Time flies by, Niko. The Forellis, Sindaccos, Triads, and Yakuza all got wiped out in 2006. The Liberty War that lasted those harsh 7 years have passed and so the law enforcement just gave up. The Russians, Bulgarin here and I have moved to Liberty City, this barren wasteland three years later, and renamed it Dimitropolis!
Niko: Roman! We need to go to the past and stop Salvatore Leone from dying in that fire! Come on, let's go!

*Meanwhile in Bohan*

Luis: Anyone? Hello?
The small wrecks that used to be Elizabeta's future apartment, has been turned into a secret hidden crack den. Luis steps on a trap door that activates the door to open, so he falls on a slide into the crack den. There, he finds Elizabeta, and Manny. Along with the alternate universe's version of Niko, Roman, Dwayne, Packie, Kate, Luis, Johnny, Jim, Angus, Tony, Yusuf, Gerry, and Francis.
Elizabeta: Who are you?
Luis duplicate: He looks just like me!
Tony: Lou, you find anything?
Luis: Tone, Yusuf, get in here!
Tony and Yusuf rush to the slide into the crack den.
Elizabeta: Me, and these other people are sheltering ourselves from the outside world, hiding from the Russians. You're not Russians in disguise are you?
Tony: No. I'm Gay Tony, the club owner running Maisonette 09 and Hercules.
Roman duplicate: I will never forget that tragic day.
Luis: What happened?
Luis duplicate: One day some Russians accidentally spotted our hideout, we killed the witnesses but Mallorie did not survive.
Packie duplicate: Neither did Ma.
Luis: Your mother got shot too?
Packie duplicate: No, the passing bullets and noises was just too much for her heart.
The three call Niko and the others to come there. The characters all rendevous in South Bohan, disguised as Russians. Tony and Luis explain the whole storyline to everyone, or as they call themselves, "The Resistance." Niko and the others come to the crack den.
Elizabeta: You guys brought some f*cking Russians here? Everyone, our cover's been blown! Run!
Luis: No no no, these are our friends, disguised as Russians.
Roman: Hey guys, me and Niko are going to go to the past and make sure Salvatore Leone doesn't die in that fire! So you're going to be replaced, you know what you should do? You should just totally pig out, just eat a whole ton of ice cream!
Roman duplicate: ...That's not a bad idea.
Roman's duplicate happens to have lots of ice cream. The Resistance all feast on ice cream. Niko and Roman go t the Airport, now renamed, "Dimitropolis Intl. Airport". They jump into some boxes belonging to the cargo hold of a plane. There, Niko and Roman find some parachutes. After the flight, and when they suspect they're in San Andreas now, Niko finds an object to poke out the hinges, opening up his box. He did so with Roman's, and then they put the parachutes on. A Russian goes to the cargo hold to check on the boxes to see if anything's missing. The cargo hold opens and Niko nudges him and takes his gun. He shoots the Russian and grabs Roman. They both jump itno the big winds in the sky, falling 10 miles per second. At 2000 feet, there was some time for Niko to think. Niko opens his parachute and Roman follows him. Niko finds out the Russian was carrying a Plasma-round M4A1. He also found a sniper rifle with a laser scope in one of the boxes in the cargo. They finally land on top of the Area 69 main area. But they find an unexpected surprise.
1. A completely uneccesarily-timed earthquake.
2. An indestructible Terminator robot falls from the sky and tries to eliminate Roman.
3. Dimitri and Bulgarin have been alarmed by the pilot about the cargo incident and Niko sees them at plain sight.
4. A billboard saying "Area 69 18 miles ahead."

[AlexGTAGamer]

QUOTE (The_Anti-tragedy @ Tuesday, Aug 7 2012, 23:11)

4. A billboard saying "Area 69 18 miles ahead."

Roman: *Groan* "We have to walk?"
Niko: "Damn this!"
Niko throws his parachute at the billboard which then reveals a secret entrance.
Roman: "Well that was convenient."
They wonder through many longer, dimly-lit tunnels until they reach an underground storage facility.
Roman: "Cousin, I know this place from somewhere."
Niko: "From where?"
Roman: "I think this is the place where they hid the Ark of the Covenant in Indiana Jones."
Niko: "Don't be silly Roman. Let's just find what we came here for."
Roman: "I thought we came here to prevent Salvatore from getting killed?"
Niko: "Yes, but we are also here to get some military gizmos to help us along the way. Think of this as an illegal supermarket sweep."
Suddenly a guard steps out in-front of the pair.
Roman: "Are you Dale Winton?"
Guard: "Who?"
Roman: "From Supermarket Sweep!"
Niko: "Don't be ridiculous cousin."
Guard: "Actually, I am."
Niko: "What?"
Suddenly the facility turns into a large supermarket, still filled with military hardware though, a large audience appears, along with film/camera crews, lights and streamers.
Dale: "Let's play Supermarket Sweep - Area 69 special!"
Roman: "I want the Ark of the Covenant!"
Dale: "Hang on you have to answer this question first."
Roman: "F**k you Dale."
Audience: *Gasp*
Dale: "How dare you swear at me."
Niko: "Oh for crying out loud Roman!"
The set turns back to the normal facility, and the Ark falls on Roman.
Roman: "I found it!"
Then the alarms goes off.
Niko: "Perfect, just perfect!"

1. Roman opens the Ark of the Covenant and the warehouse is then destroyed.
2. Niko grabs some gizmos at random and gets out of there.
3. They are both faced with a load of military guards.
4. Indiana Jones (who is also looking for the Ark) breaks in and helps the two.
5. The Ark turns out to be a cache of weapons.

[The_Anti-tragedy]

QUOTE (AlexGTAGamer @ Wednesday, Aug 8 2012, 01:45)

4. Indiana Jones (who is also looking for the Ark) breaks in and helps the two.

Niko: Indiana Jones?
Indiana: That's right. I've come here for the Ark.
Roman: Good, you can help us.
Indiana Jones punches the guards on the floor and cues Niko and Roman to follow him to a car. Niko finds a car hidden behind the trees.
Niko: This must be Dale Winton' super sports car.
Niko and Roman thank Indiana Jones and he flies away swinging from his whip somehow. The two drive the super sports car towards Area 69. However, they're faced with a quandery. A homosexual rapist out in the desert, hits the car's engine with a crowbar while it's speeding through. The really good whack stopped the car's engine whole, still a few miles from Area 69.
Rapist: Huhhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh...
Niko and Roman get out of the car.
Roman: See, this is what happens when we drive around the desert!
Niko: Calm down cousin, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.
The rapist pretends he didn't hit the engine of their car and hides the crowbar. Niko asks him if he could help get the engine to start working again. The rapist knocks out Roman with the crowbar. Then Niko. After twelve hours, Niko awakens in his underwear, inside a ranch, Roman is still asleep.
Niko: What the f*ck happened? Why am I naked?
Niko wakes Roman up, Roman wakes up, murmuring about his dreams.
Roman: F*ck you Dale, I just want the Ar...
Niko: Roman!
Niko slaps Roman's head. Roman gets out of his dream, and into reality. The two make a run for it. What happens next?
1. The rapist is in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror. He spots Niko and Roman escaping.
2. The two of them make it successfully to the car, and Niko tries the engine, but the rapist turns up next to him with a shotgun.
3. Mike Toreno is in the bathroom, having a throwdown with the homosexual rapist.

[billy james]

2. The two of them make it successfully to the car, and Niko tries the engine, but the rapist turns up next to him with a shotgun.

(Roman) Oh f^ck

(Niko) This won't take long
Niko swings the door open hitting the rapist and knocking him on the ground and dropping the shotgun, Niko then picks up the shotgun.

(Niko) Shotgun Rain. BANG!!!!!

(Roman) Where've I heard that expression before
Niko gets back in the car and they start driving and they get to area 51
What happens next???
1) They find the killer robots from earlier
2) Salvator is there before his accident
3) Stan Carman and Stan Smith are trying to figure out what's wrong.
4) They find a time machine

[MarijuanaMonkey]

QUOTE (billy james @ Wednesday, Aug 8 2012, 04:52)

1) They find the killer robots from earlier

Niko and Roman get out of the car, start to walk down the main building but there's a blast is here down the back. They look their back and they recognize "real war machine" robots at the back.

Niko: What the f*ck are these fake ass Arnold Schwarzeneggers?
Roman: Let's play Terminator, let's play Terminator.
Niko: Shut up, Roman.

Niko produces an Advance MG from his jacket and starts to "bullet rain" on robots meanwhile Roman farts on robots, these don't do sh*t to them. When Niko sees Roman farting he gets an idea. Meanwhile Roman farts on robots, Niko burns Roman's fart with flamethrower. So all robots melt. After there's a big head, adult man seen in the control panel who reads Playboy Magazine. He sees his all robots melted, so he goes to check-out.

Unknown Big Headed, Adult Man: Niko, Roman? What the hell are you doin hereeeah?
Niko: Stewie? Is that you?
Stewie: Hey, how did you recognize me?
Roman: From your big head, dickhead.

[Both Roman and Niko laugh]

Niko: Uhh... Anyways, what happened to you?
Stewie: I don't know, man. But this is pretty cool. I am adult. So I can freelt get heavy on beer, pot, Playboy magazines and hookers. And I'm running Area 69. Coolaaaah!
Roman: Can you arrange me some lab and alien titties?
Niko: SHUT THE F*CK UP, ROMAN! Stewie! Look! The Russians had conquered all Liberty, so I must get to the past, save Salvatore from that unfortunate fire and make him run the city 'gain! Can you help us?
Stewie: I would like to stay okay but I can't ruin my life. If we go back to the past, probably I'll get my f*cking boring childish life again.

Niko jumps on adult Stewie, keeps his left arm and twinkles it. Stewie uses his right hand to get remote control panel, so he calls:

1. Super-skilled (his super skill is throw fire plasms on his hand and laser eyeballs) Salvatore Leone whose brain is washed by Stewie and on the impact of Stewie's control now.
2. Dakota who is giant again cause Stewie made her drink too much "Don't Be A Greasy Chump 4000".
3. CJ who is giant again cause Stewie made her drink too much "Don't Be A Greasy Chump 4000".
4. Robot forms of Brucie (Bruceminators) whose only function is dancing in "Lady Magnet" style (Roman's and Brucie's special dance), getting juicy on women and unstoppable saying "Hey, NB. Whassup, man". And they can only destroyed by being kicked in the nuts.
5. Roman and Niko's themselves copies who knows many deadly Karate, Judo, Tai Chi moves except knowing everything Niko and Roman knows.

This post has been edited by MarijuanaMonkey on Wednesday, Aug 8 2012, 11:25

[The_Anti-tragedy]

QUOTE (MarijuanaMonkey @ Wednesday, Aug 8 2012, 11:06)

4. Robot forms of Brucie (Bruceminators) whose only function is dancing in "Lady Magnet" style (Roman's and Brucie's special dance), getting juicy on women and unstoppable saying "Hey, NB. Whassup, man". And they can only destroyed by being kicked in the nuts.

Bruceminators come out of the shadows and other places trying to kill Niko. Niko shoots them with a shotgun. Niko and Roman use flamethrowered farts again to kill the robots.
Bruceminators: Hey NB, whassup man?
Niko: Shut up!!
Niko grabs a crowbar and whacks the Bruceminators with it. The last of the robots are destroyed, and Niko and Roman find what Roman thinks is a Portapotty, but actually may be able to get them back in time, and prevent Salvatore from dying in the fire. It works, and Niko and Roman get inside. They set the time, August 6th, 1992, 8:43pm. Niko and Roman spawn at the correct time and place, in front of Salvatore's mansion in Las Venturas. There, Niko sees himself, Roman, Brucie, Jacob, Dwayne, and Packie with the artifact to stop the black hole, along with federal agents pursuing them.
Roman: Hey NB, that's us!
Niko: Cousin, don't shout. We need to wait until ourselves and our friends get inside. Remember, jump into the window and push Salvatore away.
Roman: Why won't you do it?
Niko: You sure you don't want America's Next Top Hooker, with flat girls?
Roman: AAAHHAHAHGGHAAHA!!
Niko and his friends in the past that came from the future, walk inside the mansion with Brucie carrying the artifact. Brucie yells "We got it!!!" and kicks the door down. Our Niko and Roman are still waiting for everyone to run outside, they see Dimitri enter, and they spring into action. Dimtri knocks out Dwayne and Packie, and Niko is stumbling in fire. Maria's dress gets half burnt off, and... The fire spreads and Roman jumps into the window, he pushes Salvatore out of the way of the fire, and dies. Salvatore thanks him whoever he is, and follows everyone else outside, pushing Dimitri into the fire. Niko steps onto the return pad of the time machine and goes back to the present. Everything is normal, everyone is safe, Salvatore survived the fire, making Toni a made man, his mom was proud of him, and Toni and Claude wiped out the Triads in 2001. And the gangs never went to war. So things were back to normal since Roman prevented Salvatore from dying in the fire and sacrificed himself, LC didn't become a wasteland, so Niko & Roman didn't go back in time, so Roman never died chronologically. Niko and Roman, who are now time-travel duplicates, kill themselves and become the Niko & Roman that were with the crowd in 1992 before. Everyone has a party at Niko's North Holland penthouse.
1. Billy Grey is on the toilet and farts, then puts his cigar in the septic tank, blowing him up.
2. Roman runs into a Triad, so he shoots him. A shootout then ensues.
3. Henrique and Armando throw the propane tank for the barbecue at Luis, then blows him up.
4. Some strange glitch causes lots of explosives to be planted on every surface of the penthouse, and people.
5. Something probably funny happens.

[AlexGTAGamer]

QUOTE (The_Anti-tragedy @ Wednesday, Aug 8 2012, 18:09)

5. Something probably funny happens.

Roman: "Hey cousin, watch this!"
Niko: "Roman what are you doing?"
Brucie lights a match by Roman's behind whilst standing next to the barbecue.
Niko: "Cousin, if you're about to do what I think you're going to do, I implore you to stop."
Brucie: "Oooh, well I implore you to lighten up NB."
Roman: "Here we go!"
Niko: "Cousin, NO!"
Roman farts and the flame from the match strikes the propane tank on the barbecue exploding at the exact same time when Little Jacob was walking past.
LJ: "WOGWAN ME YOUTHS!"
Niko: "Oh crap!"
Roman: "Jacob!"
LJ: "I and I be like a spliff now! AAAAHHHH!"
Jacob falls over the edge of the balcony.
Niko: "Roman, you killed Jacob."
Roman: "Brucie was the one who came up with the idea."
Brucie: "You're on your own now man." *Runs away*
Badman: "Hey rudeboys, cha' seen- Where's me mon?"
Niko & Roman: "Er..."
Dwayne: *Drunk* "They killed him." *Hic*
Badman: "Tha' true?"
Niko: "You're on your own now cousin." *Walk away*
Roman: "Niko!"
Badman: "Cha pay for that bloodclot!"
Badman throws Roman onto the roof of the opposite building and chases after him. At that time Packie shows up with a crate of beers and some burgers.
Packie: "Hey everyone! Um, Niko, where's the BBQ?"
Niko: "Roman blew it up and killed Jacob at the same time."
Packie: "Now how are we going to cook these burgers?"
Dwayne: *Still Drunk* "Cook them in the kitchen. I'll do them."
Packie: "Sweet."
Niko: "Dwanye, I don't think that's a good idea."
Dwayne: "I've got it. *Burp* Fear not."
But somehow Dwayne manages to blow the oven up and sends himself flying across the room, landing on the pool table.
Niko: "This is why I don't like staying at this apartment, it always catches on fire!"

1. Packie throws his beers on the fire to extinguish the flame.
2. Niko uses Dwayne's body to try and put out of the flames, it does the opposite and instead causes the fire to spread.
3. Dwayne throws the pool table at the fire and for some reason it then explodes.
4. Everyone panics and leaves the apartment.
5. Roman who is being chased by Badman runs into the water tower outside which falls over and extinguishes the fire, only it floods the apartment.

This post has been edited by AlexGTAGamer on Wednesday, Aug 8 2012, 18:11

[Driftking120]

nevermind

[The_Anti-tragedy]

QUOTE (AlexGTAGamer @ Wednesday, Aug 8 2012, 18:09)

3. Dwayne throws the pool table at the fire and for some reason it then explodes.

Niko and Dwayne are blown back by the explosion. Everyone is running away.
Kate: What the f*ck what the f*ck what the f*ck!?!
Kate jumps over the ledge by accident. The fire is spreading so Niko throws Dwayne's jacket into the fire for some reason. It was polyester. The fire burns Niko's portrait of himself.
Niko: NOO! Dwayne do something!
Dwayne: I'lL dO sOemtHIng aLrIghT.
Dwayne grabs a fire extinguisher from the wall.
Niko: Good idea, Dwayne!
Dwayne throws the fire extinguisher into the fire. Niko is visibly upset. Niko throws Dwayne over the edge.
Packie: These oughta help!
Packie throws several bottles of beer into the fire. The fire grows. Dwayne falls on top of Badman below. Roman gets away but his fatness tips the water tower over. It puts out the fire, but the apartment is flooded. Packie drowns while a Russian guy blames Niko.
Russian guy: You did this, you!
Niko pushes the Russian off the ledge.
Russian: You like to push me? You like to push people?
Niko drinks all the water. He burps lots of water up that it floods Bernie's car while he's coming over.
Bernie: WHAT THE F********CK!
Bernie's car is washed away into the ocean. Luis and Johnny are still dancing, not even noticing the fire. Yusuf comes in his gold Buzzard to join the party. Roman goes up to the penthouse soaking wet. Armando and Henrique dance their asses off, and even Claude and CJ join in dancing. Claude does the "Silent Shuffle" while CJ dances like a Scottish person.
CJ: Haters gonna hate, fool!
Johnny calls Terry, Clay, Angus, and Jim to join the party. They come on their motorcycle choppers. They then all dance like strippers. Now Niko, Roman, Luis, Johnny, Yusuf, Armando, Henrique, Terry, Clay, Angus, Jim, Claude, and CJ are all dancing to "The Look".
1. CJ eats all the burgers Dwayne tried to cook and gets fat. He pukes all over the place and floods the petnhouse.
2. Claude takes the spotlight by dancing like a stripper.
3. Dakota Carrington also joins dancing. Niko is suspicious.
4. Badman goes up via elevator and chases Roman again while everyone's dancing. The screen fades to black while people applaud as if it was the ending of a sitcom.

[AlexGTAGamer]

QUOTE (The_Anti-tragedy @ Wednesday, Aug 8 2012, 19:46)

3. Dakota Carrington also joins dancing. Niko is suspicious.

CJ: "Party, woo!"
Claude:
Dakota: "Yeah, get down!"
Niko: "Wait, Dakota?"
The music stops as does everyone dancing, and they all look at her.
Dakota: "Come on, I came for a party! Where's the drink?"
Johnny, Terry, Clay, Angus and Jim all hide the booze under their jackets.
Luis: "Can I get rid of her now?"
Niko: "Please."
Luis picks up Dakota and throws her off of the balcony, she then lands in the back of a passing Biff truck carrying gravel.
Niko: "Now that's she's gone, let's party! Again!"
Everyone starts dancing again and the Lost boys begin drinking games. Niko goes and sits in the jacuzzi whilst Brucie shows up again with Lenny, his mechanic, who fixes the barbecue.
Brucie: "Who wants some burgers?"
Niko: "I'll cook them, I don't want it exploding again."
Niko grabs a "Kiss The Cook" apron and cooks some burgers.

Suddenly...
1. A drunken Mohammed turns up and tries to ruin the party.
2. Some LCPD officers knock on the door saying that the neighbours are complaining about the noise, but they then join the party as well.
3. Due to the weight of everyone dancing the floor collapses.
4. There is a power cut.
5. A thunderstorm occurs.