[LuisBellic]

Those were great man. I didn't see all of it though. I might read some more when I feel like it.

[cas-97]

not bad i wouldnt mind that as real GTA IV DLC

[Money Over Bullshit]

Thanks for the feedback guys And Luis it's cool just read it when you have the time.

I've been making some intermittent changes to this topic over the past couple of days, mainly around the characters section. I've added in pictures for most of the minor characters mentioned in the character bios and I've also changed the pictures for two of the "Reputed Members" of two of the five families these being Frank Lupisella, mainly because I thought he looked too young in the previous photo and also 'Chubby' Charlie Matteo who's picture I changed to make him look like more of a shylock complete with a little moustache that he can stroke as he counts his cash.

Over the next few days or so I plan on expanding the topic further and adding in some Vehicles and maybe some Multiplayer modes. I'm also contemplating updating IV's map to include a Staten Island clone.. since there are quite a few mobsters who operate there in real life.

This post has been edited by Money Over Bullshit on Friday, Jul 8 2011, 11:35

[Tyla]

An update to the IV map would actually be really interesting, especially a take on Staten Island. What direction would doing that be pulling your story in? Would there be some sort of fight for control of the lucrative Waste Management contracts running out of there between the families or would one of them be in complete control? Perhaps the Pegorino Family could be even expanded on with Ray Boccino's crew having a possible role there? Either way it presents quite a nice change of pace from a lot of the previous activities in the games.

Here's a picture of John Tormey that you could use for Vincenzo Pelosi in Chubby Charlie's bio. Seems like they did a really good job of basing Uncle Vince on his voice actor.

[Mati]

That was actually a brilliant read, but as I read trough the chapters it reminds me of the Mafia 2 mission structure which is pretty linear.

[LuisBellic]

QUOTE (Money Over Bullshit @ Friday, Jul 8 2011, 11:29)

Thanks for the feedback guys And Luis it's cool just read it when you have the time. I've been making some intermittent changes to this topic over the past couple of days, mainly around the characters section. I've added in pictures for most of the minor characters mentioned in the character bios and I've also changed the pictures for two of the "Reputed Members" of two of the five families these being Frank Lupisella, mainly because I thought he looked too young in the previous photo and also 'Chubby' Charlie Matteo who's picture I changed to make him look like more of a shylock complete with a little moustache that he can stroke as he counts his cash. Over the next few days or so I plan on expanding the topic further and adding in some Vehicles and maybe some Multiplayer modes. I'm also contemplating updating IV's map to include a Staten Island clone.. since there are quite a few mobsters who operate there in real life.

Maybe the player could go to Francis Intl Airport and be able to take a flight there since it's not on LC's map.

[Money Over Bullshit]

QUOTE (Tyla @ Friday, Jul 8 2011, 22:00)

An update to the IV map would actually be really interesting, especially a take on Staten Island. What direction would doing that be pulling your story in? Would there be some sort of fight for control of the lucrative Waste Management contracts running out of there between the families or would one of them be in complete control? Perhaps the Pegorino Family could be even expanded on with Ray Boccino's crew having a possible role there? Either way it presents quite a nice change of pace from a lot of the previous activities in the games. Here's a picture of John Tormey that you could use for Vincenzo Pelosi in Chubby Charlie's bio. Seems like they did a really good job of basing Uncle Vince on his voice actor.

I hadn't really thought too much into it tbh I like them ideas though.. maybe the waste management scenario could play out like the conflict in the sopranos with garbage trucks being blown up etc. or in the last season where Phil and Tony bump heads over the dumping of asbestos. Thinking it over now I think I will impliment both scenarios into the story later on. I have a gap in the Messina missions that I think could be filled. That picture is a bit too large.. I will add a picture of John Tormey though. Thanks for the ideas man

@Luis: I think to have Carlo take a plane to Staten Island would be very unrealistic to be honest. I think the sudden appearence of a new island could fall into the same catagory as the sudden appearence of Hercules and Maisonette 9 in TBOGT.. they always existed but Niko had no business there so as far as he was concerned they didn't exist in his world. I think making the island accessable either by boat or by a bridge from either Alderney or Broker could work quite well. This whole story is non canon anyway so in theory I could include a magic ladder to the moon if I wanted to ya get me.

And Mati as I said before I had been toying with the idea of a chapter based GTA long before Mafia II even came out. I get where you're coming from though. Thanks for reading by the way.

[akavari112]

You could give an overhaul to the Ferry Terminal in Alderney? It would have a regular ferry transporting pedestrians and vehicles to and from the new island. I think it would be better than adding roads and bridges, that would be a little bit too inconsistent. You could also just take a plain boat or helicopter to the new island, but the ferry would take your car there for a cheap fee. Also, any ideas on what this island would be like and what it would be named?

[Money Over Bullshit]

QUOTE (akavari112 @ Saturday, Jul 9 2011, 21:30)

You could give an overhaul to the Ferry Terminal in Alderney? It would have a regular ferry transporting pedestrians and vehicles to and from the new island. I think it would be better than adding roads and bridges, that would be a little bit too inconsistent. You could also just take a plain boat or helicopter to the new island, but the ferry would take your car there for a cheap fee. Also, any ideas on what this island would be like and what it would be named?

I'm thinking of calling it either Richman or Richmond Island. It will be largely residential with some industrial areas and at least one set of major housing projects. The area will also be generally more rural looking with an abundance of grassy areas and some forestry. I'm also going to add a Quad Bike and some type of Bandito/BF Injection type vehicle when I add the vehicles to bring an element of fun to the boring old grassy areas.

I was thinking of having a ferry system with 3 stops, 1 beside Pier 45 in Algonquin, 1 at the New Island and 1 at the Alderney Ferry Terminal although I could also add a stop in East Hook and make the ferry sort of an amalgamation of the Staten Island Ferry and the New York Water Taxi. A stop at Happiness Island could also be an option.

This post has been edited by Money Over Bullshit on Monday, Jul 11 2011, 21:06

[Money Over Bullshit]

Chapter 6 - Part 3

After completing the previous part of the chapter Carlo will receive yet another phonecall, this time from somebody he hasn't heard from in a while.

Carlo: "Hello?"

Caller: "Hey Carlo it's me, Frank Lupisella come by my father's place over in Berchem in Alderney. We need to talk"

Carlo: "Ok.."

After hanging up Carlo will head over towards Vincent Lupisella's home, a modest town house in the middle of a row of others looking out onto Babbage Drive.

Carlo will walk up the steps and knock firmly on the door. After a few moments Frankie will open the door and let him inside. Once inside Carlo will look around, The interior foyer will be traditionally decorated with dull off white coloured paint on the walls and hardwood floors underfoot with an antique wooden cabinate sitting up against the westerly wall beside the door which leads to the living room.

Carlo: "Wow who would've thought the boss of a family lived in a place like this"

Frankie: "That's my father's style Carlo, he don't flaunt nothin"

Carlo: "Pretty wise I guess, so what did you call me here for?"

Frankie: "It was Mark who gave the order, he's upstairs in my old man's study, come on"

Frankie will then lead Carlo up a large wooden staircase towards the study. As they walk towards the door it will be opened by another man unknown to Carlo. Frankie will greet him as the two pass each other saying "Hey Jackie, how you doin" the man will respond in similar fashion. As Carlo follows closely behind Frank will turn to him and introduce the man as Jackie Dimiglia old man Lupisella's bodyguard and de facto consigliere. Jackie will shake Carlo's hand as he passes with Carlo responding in kind.

As Carlo fully enters the study he will see Mark sitting on an armchair talking quietly to an old frail man in a wheelchair dressed in a butler style tuxedo with a bow tie around his neck. When Mark notices Carlo's presence he will stand up to face him with a somewhat solemn look on his face at which point Frankie will cut in to make the appropriate introductions.

Frankie: "Carlo this is my dad, Vincent Lupisella" (pointing towards the old man in the wheelchair) "And of course you remember my cousin Mark"

Carlo (looking towards Mark and then back to Frankie): "Of Course"

Carlo will then lean towards Vincent cautiously extending his hand as to not overstep the mark by being too overzealous. Vincent will extend his hands towards Carlo's grabbing it limply with one hand and cupping it in an overhand motion with his other. "A pleasure to meet you Mr. Lupisella" Carlo will offer, however Vincent will not speek a word in response, he will just look bemusedly into Carlo's face and give him a slight grimacing smile before sitting back into his wheelchair. After this he will gesture to Mark, calling him over. When Mark crouches down to hear what his uncle has to say he will whisper something inaudible into his ear prompting Mark to call Jackie over from the door where he has been standing rather tentatively since granting Carlo and Frankie access to the room. Mark will then turn to Jackie and say "bring my uncle next door and make sure he eats something" Jackie will nod to the affirmative before taking Vincent's wheelchair by the handles and wheeling him out of the room. After Vincent has left the room there will be a brief moment of silence which will then be broken suddenly by Mark's booming voice.

Mark: "f*cking Strunz!"

Carlo: "What?"

Mark: "Santino.. that f*cking piece of sh*t!"

Carlo: "Louie? Why... what did he do?"

Mark: "Don't act like you don't know"

Carlo: "Mr. Lupisella I swear to god I have no idea what you're talking about"

Mark: "Oh No?"

Carlo (shaking his head frantically): "No!"

Mark: "That little f*cking prick.. he tried to rip me off"

Carlo: "Rip you off? How?"

Mark: "He sent over an envelope the other day, our cut from the deal with the Albanians.. it was about two grand f*cking short!"

Carlo: "Hold on a minute.. I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation.."

Mark: "There is. He's a dirty little thieving c*nt!"

Carlo: "Have you tried talking to him about it?"

Mark: "f*ck that. I want him dead.. and you're gonna do it"

Carlo: "Mr. Lupisella.. with all due respect.. I.. I.. I can't do that"

Mark: "You're into me for a hundred grand kid.. you'll do whatever the f*ck I tell you to do!"

Carlo: "A hundred? But the loan was only eighty"

Mark: "That's not including the vig which is another twenty five points on top of that.. the standard rate on all our loans"

Carlo will look over to Frankie as if to say "you never told me about the interest" but Frankie will simply shrug his shoulders indicating that Carlo should have known he would have to pay back a lot more than he borrowed

Carlo: "Ok listen.. I'll get you your money but I can't do what you're asking me to do"

Mark: "No you listen to me you little prick, I'm about to lose my patience with you so you better put a bullet in that thieving f*ck's head or I'll get somebody else to put a bullet in yours!"

Frankie (butting in): "Come on Mark, he's not used to all this killin people.. let me have a word with him outside for a minute"

Mark: "Ok. But you better make him do it or we're gonna have a problem cousin"

Frankie and Carlo will at this point walk outside the room with Frankie closing the door firmly behind them.

Frankie: "What the hell are you doin kid!?"

Carlo: "I didn't mean to be rude Frankie but to whack a guy over a simple misunderstanding.. I think that seems a bit much, don't you?"

Frankie: "You don't understand Carlo.. my cousin is not the type of guy you say no to"

Carlo: "Ok I get that but the whole thing just doesn't seem right to me"

Frankie: "Maybe it does seem a little irrational but you owe that guy a lot of money and until you pay him back what you owe he pretty much owns you"

Carlo: "Well then maybe you could talk to him and work out some kind of a payment plan or somethin because I'm not gonna go kill a guy over some petty bullsh*t"

Frankie: "He's really not gonna take no for an answer"

Carlo: "Well he's gonna have to because I'm not gonna do it."

Frankie: "Ok listen, here's what we're gonna do.. I'm gonna go back in there and tell him you're gonna do it.."

Carlo: "But I'm not"

Frankie: "Let me finish. I know you're not gonna do it, we're just gonna tell him that you are. By the time he figures out Santino's still alive I'll have bought us enough time to have figured something out"

Carlo: "You know, that's not actually a bad idea"

Frankie: "Well don't sound so suprised, I do have some good ideas.. every once in a while"

Carlo: "I didn't mean it like that.. I just meant it was good you know... thanks"

Frankie: "You're welcome kid but don't you go gettin the wrong idea, I don't make a habit of doin people favours but Daniela was right about you, you're a good kid and you've done some good things for me. I think you might actually have a future in this business"

Carlo: "Thanks again man and don't worry about that money, I'll get it back to you soon ok"

Frankie: "Yeah, well you better" (laughs)

Carlo will walk back down the wooden staircase and exit the house walking a few steps down the street before calling Louie to tell him about what just transpired.

Carlo: "Hey Lou, What's up it's me Carlo"

Louie: "Carlo who?"

Carlo: "Devino"

Louie (thinks for a few seconds): "Oh hey Carlo what's up"

Carlo: "I've just been to see Mark Lupisella he wanted me to whack you, he says you left him two grand short on his cut from the deal with the Albanians"

Louie: "That slimy f*ck! That big dumb prick musta counted it wrong.. yeah, that's what musta happened"

Carlo: "I knew he musta made some kinda mistake"

Louie: "What did you tell him?"

Carlo: "I said you musta made some kinda mistake Mark"

Louie: "I meant when he asked you to kill me smart ass"

Carlo: "Oh.. I told him I'm not gonna go whack a guy over some bullsh*t"

Louie: "Good. And what did he say?"

Carlo: "He was pretty goddamn pissed, in fact I think he may just hunt me down man. I need to get the hell outta Bohan til this thing blows over, do you have a place in the city where I could lay low for a while?"

Louie: "Sure man. Meet me in Castle Gardens in about an hour"

Carlo: "Ok man see you soon" (hangs up)

After this phonecall a waypoint will be set on your map for Castle Gardens. When you get there you will find Louie standing by a railing overlooking the river smoking a cigarette.

Carlo: "You sure picked a very public place to meet me at.. you don't think I'm still gonna whack you do you?"

Louie: "No man of course not.. I just had some business to take care of on this side of the city, that's all.. Anyway let's go"

Carlo and Louie will then walk to Louie's car which will be parked nearby. When you get in a waypoint will already be pre-programmed into the GPS. As you drive towards the destination of the safehouse Carlo and Louie will continue to talk to one another.

Louie: "Damn man, I can't believe Lupisella wanted you to whack me. Wrinkly old bastard"

Carlo: "It was actually Mark who gave the order"

Louie: "Sure it was man but you can be damn sure that good old Vinny gave the go ahead.. Loopy doesn't take a sh*t without the old man's say so"

Carlo: "I seen the old guy Louie, with my own too eyes.. he was in a wheelchair.. he didn't even know where he was, poor prick"

Louie: "Come on Carlo, don't tell me you believed that sh*t. That whole helpless old man thing.. it's just an act. Walking around Middle Park in his underpants... having Jackie D push him around the streets in a wheelchair.. it's all just one big rouse to stop him being sent to prison on federal racketeering charges. Sure he may be old but he's sharp as a knife and just as deadly.. this thing between me and him just proves that. Do you really think that f*cking stunad Mark would be smart enough to run one of the five families on his own?"

Carlo: "I guess not"

Louie: "There ya go man, now you see the light"

(There will be a few seconds of silence before Carlo speaks again)

Carlo: "I guess he's the definition of what they mean by the term puppet boss"

Louie (laughs): "I'll have to use that one.. do you mind?"

Carlo: "No not at all"

By the end of this conversation you should have just about reached your destination which is a high rise apartment building in Middle Park West. Carlo will pull up outside and Louie will tell him "This is it" at which point the two men will exit the vehicle and enter the building. After a brief timelapse they will then reappear inside a luxury penthouse suite.

Carlo: "Ya know man I was actually expecting a real sh*thole but this actually really nice"

Louie: "That's one thing about me Carlo, I always look after my friends"

Carlo: "Yeah but this place is too nice.. you really didn't have to"

Louie: "Forget about it, you saved my life not once but twice, it's the least I could do"

Carlo: "I guess but.. thank you, seriously. How did you acquire this place anyway"

Louie: "A certain famous actor owed me a sh*t load of money for coke.. he couldn't afford to pay me so I took his house instead"

Carlo: "Haha pretty crafty man. I should only be here for a few days anyway then you can have it back"

Louie: "It's yours man... stay here as long as you want"

Carlo: "For real? Jesus thanks man"

Louie: "Yeah you said that haha. And you don't need to worry about getting the money up to pay back the Lupisellas either. I'm gonna try and find us a buyer for that H. Once we sell it you can use some of your cut to pay back your debt to them"

Carlo: "Alright cool man, sounds good to me"

Louie will at this point start to walk towards the door with Carlo following closely behind in order to see him out.

Louie: "Take a bit of time to get settled in, I'll give you a call when I organise a buyer"

Carlo: "Ok man, I guess I'll talk to you soon then"

Louie: "Yeah man" (Walks outside the door) "Oh Carlo sh*t wait a minute.."

Carlo: "Yeah?"

Louie: "I almost forgot.. Artie said to give you his number, he said he might have a bit of work he could throw your way. Here's his number, give him a call if you need somethin to do"

Carlo: "Ok man I will"

After this part of the chapter you are pretty much free to do whatever you want since the next chapter will not begin until you call Artie.

A short time later you will recieve a text from Louie once again thanking you for looking out for him with the Lupisellas he will say that Carlo is "a real stand up guy" and say that if he ever wants to hang out that he should give him a call and he'll do it (provided he's not busy of course).

This post has been edited by Money Over Bullshit on Friday, Mar 8 2013, 01:38

[Tyla]

In my mind you put Mark Lupisella across a lot better in this preview than in his previous appearance.

[Money Over Bullshit]

QUOTE (Tyla @ Friday, Jul 15 2011, 05:57)

In my mind you put Mark Lupisella across a lot better in this preview than in his previous appearance.

Thanks man, although I'm not really sure how I portrayed him differently. Care to explain what you mean?

[Tyla]

Mark came across very calm and subtle in Chapter Four, reasonable and open to dealing with the Pavanos. He even took the time out to spoil his daughter by taking her to get her nails done, came across as a soft touch. Now in your preview he's explosive and extremely pugnacious, cursing everything under the sun and ruthlessly entrapping an indebted Carlo in his plot to have Louie Santino killed... over a missing two grand. Louie being a Made Man, that doesn't seem the smartest move to make, especially over such a tiny sum. It's a very impulsive decision, the sort that would be made by a less than intelligent man with a propensity for violence... very clever if it was intentional.

[Money Over Bullshit]

That's true, Mark was a lot more calm in Chapter 4 however as we see in this latest chapter he is also very easily pissed off and just cannot seem to control his temper - kind of a bi-polar character in a way. What I've tried to do with Mark is to not focus too much on his low IQ, although he hasn't been portrayed as the sharpest knife in the drawer (as evident by the impulsive and somewhat silly decisions he makes). I've instead tried to focus on him being more in tune with his nickname "Loopy" (hence the bi-polar personality).

I also didn't intend him to be a soft touch in the first chapter, even though that may have been how he came across. I see him instead as a simple minded man who is easily manipulated both by his daughter and by the Pavanos.. a smarter man would have dug his heels in and asked for an ongoing payment from Louie and his bosses instead of just a once off tribute for allowing the dealing to go on in his turf, however Louie knew that he could easily be kept sweet by giving him a few thousand dollars. Whatever Mark is however it is clear that he is not fit to be his Father's replacement and is really just a figure head who has been put in his current position to take the heat off the real boss, his father (as stated in the last part of the chapter).

Thank you for taking the time to read the chapters and continuing to give me feedback since it's a great asset to know how the reader percieves that events that I have detailed in my writing. Hopefully Part 3 of Chapter 6 doesn't disappoint either. If anybody has any suggestions for scenarios or anything else that they think I should include in this topic then please don't hesitate to let me know. Already I am in the process of implimenting some of the suggestions I have recieved from Tyla relating to Arthur Zapulla into the next chapter, so I am definitely open to suggestions. I have got most of the story planned out in my head but there are some gaps to be filled so as I said, don't hesitate to let me know.

This post has been edited by Money Over Bullshit on Monday, May 14 2012, 00:34

[Tyla]

I've got to say I'm impressed by just how much you flesh your characters out! The dialogue definitely helps too. Enjoyed the chapter close M.O.B. and even spotted the reference to Vincent Gigante by Louie in how he describes the elder Lupisella. Bravo.

[Money Over Bullshit]

QUOTE (Tyla @ Monday, Jul 18 2011, 15:55)

I've got to say I'm impressed by just how much you flesh your characters out! The dialogue definitely helps too. Enjoyed the chapter close M.O.B. and even spotted the reference to Vincent Gigante by Louie in how he describes the elder Lupisella. Bravo.

Thanks man. There are little bits of many of the character's personalities and backstories that are influenced by real mobsters although many refrences are quite obscure. Well done for catching the Vincent Gigante reference though.

You suggested further up the page that I should feature a battle between two families over waste management contracts, it appears that in GTA IV there is some kind of a dispute of that nature going on between the Ancelottis and the Pegorinos as seen in "Waste Not Want Knots". I was thinking maybe I could have one of the other families capitalise on that by moving in secret to escalate the dispute further before moving in after the all the carnage and picking up the pieces for themselves. What do you think?

[Tyla]

That would be a very good idea. What family were you planning to use? I think that the Gambettis could probably be the most creditable suitor, considering the Gambino Family presence in Staten Island, but a possible twist you could dare to throw into the mix would be introducing the minor character mentioned in the Joe Corolla's bio: Mario "Mad Dog" Ciccone. It would be interesting to see how events would unfold through this notorious mobster's eyes, back on the streets after a stint in the joint, feeling an entitlement to earn, keen to affirm his position at the expense of the two weaker families: the Ancelottis and Pegorinos.

[Money Over Bullshit]

QUOTE (Tyla @ Tuesday, Jul 19 2011, 18:49)

That would be a very good idea. What family were you planning to use? I think that the Gambettis could probably be the most creditable suitor, considering the Gambino Family presence in Staten Island, but a possible twist you could dare to throw into the mix would be introducing the minor character mentioned in the Joe Corolla's bio: Mario "Mad Dog" Ciccone. It would be interesting to see how events would unfold through this notorious mobster's eyes, back on the streets after a stint in the joint, feeling an entitlement to earn, keen to affirm his position at the expense of the two weaker families: the Ancelottis and Pegorinos.

I was thinking of either the Gambettis or The Messinas. Did you get that idea about Mario Ciccone from David Proval's character Richie Aprile? Cause if not then it's quite a coincidence that you would suggest that since that's pretty much what happen's with him in The Sopranos season 2.

[Tyla]

Richie Aprile was my favourite character in The Sopranos, which is where the interest comes from. Going on the alias Mad Dog, the characters appeared very similar in terms of notoriety. A way into your story could have spawned from the legitimacy of the evidence given by informant Vito "Dog Meat" Menotti being called into question, with the pressing of Ciccone's legal team managing to secure his release. The death of his protege Joe Corolla could be the main catalyst for his actions as opposed to the moves of Richie Aprile that were dictated by his personality simply being alien to the modern methods of the mob and has inability to bear respect for a Boss younger than himself. A Messina interest possibly represented by the fearsome presence of Jimmy Capra would also be very good, and I'm sure whatever the final product is it will turn out to be a great read.

[Money Over Bullshit]

QUOTE (Tyla @ Wednesday, Jul 20 2011, 15:41)

Richie Aprile was my favourite character in The Sopranos, which is where the interest comes from. Going on the alias Mad Dog, the characters appeared very similar in terms of notoriety. A way into your story could have spawned from the legitimacy of the evidence given by informant Vito "Dog Meat" Menotti being called into question, with the pressing of Ciccone's legal team managing to secure his release. The death of his protege Joe Corolla could be the main catalyst for his actions as opposed to the moves of Richie Aprile that were dictated by his personality simply being alien to the modern methods of the mob and has inability to bear respect for a Boss younger than himself. A Messina interest possibly represented by the fearsome presence of Jimmy Capra would also be very good, and I'm sure whatever the final product is it will turn out to be a great read.

That's a really good idea man, unfortunately I had planned on Carlo's ties with the Pavanos being severed after the next couple of chapters. I don't want this story to go on for too long so as good as the idea is I don't think I'm going to impliment it since it would extend the story a little bit further than I had hoped to bring it. I want Carlo to spend an equal amount of time working with each of the five families and the more elements I introduce into the story the more ends I have to eventually tie up. Thanks a lot for the suggestion though and if you have any others (which don't concern the Pavanos for reasons I mentioned before) I would be more than happy to consider them. In the next chapter I'm actually using two of your suggestions about Arthur Zapulla, these being his involvement in the porn industry (coming from a comment you made about his sleazy appearence) and him starting a Casino venture with some mobsters from out of town. After this Carlo's involvement with the Pavanos will start winding down before finally ending with an event that I don't want to give away, just yet.

This post has been edited by Money Over Bullshit on Wednesday, Jul 20 2011, 16:51