[SWOT]

Gordon is a simple character right through who is used by the Irish to do their dirty work. In your DLC, Packie is depicted as a good friend of Gordon who respects him when all he really does is totally blagard him

[MarijuanaMonkey]

QUOTE (SWOT @ Friday, Feb 24 2012, 14:21)

Gordon is a simple character right through who is used by the Irish to do their dirty work. In your DLC, Packie is depicted as a good friend of Gordon who respects him when all he really does is totally blagard him

I think Gordon's a very close member of Irish Mob. Also I think Gordon's a close friend of Packie because we know Packie and Michael are close friends from GTA IV. Gordon's often seen with Packie and Michael, so I think Packie and Gordon have a close relationship.

[Tyla]

QUOTE (SWOT @ Friday, Feb 24 2012, 14:21)

Gordon is a simple character right through who is used by the Irish to do their dirty work.

This is exactly where I think this story was spot on. In the end what were the McReary Irish but a loose collective of drunken and depleted thugs for hire? A shadow of their former selves? Facing twenty-five to life cross river? Gordon is a hood. A lowly hood at that - more so one with gambling debts the Italian Mafia can afford to muscle him on through the beginning. Akavari suggests Gordon a man once feared and respected in the Liberty City underworld, but now forgotten. His tale begins exactly as the McReary Mob, used by the Italians to do their dirty work. Who better to see their demise through the eyes of?

What I probably most admire about this is how it comes full circle with the end. In that way the story not only seems a sad reflection on the demise of a thriving unit in the Irish, but a sad reflection on the demise of the thriving criminal underworld on a whole. This isn't an effect that can be captured through installing Patrick McReary as protagonist; a young man who has his whole life ahead of him, some hope. Getting on a plane out of LC to where ever his ticket takes him. Gordon on the other hand is seemingly forever doomed as a lowly thug for hire in a world where business is no longer strong. Reputations will never again hold the glory they once held. Stuck in literal purgatory.

[akavari112]

QUOTE (Tyla @ Friday, Feb 24 2012, 14:53)

QUOTE (SWOT @ Friday, Feb 24 2012, 14:21) Gordon is a simple character right through who is used by the Irish to do their dirty work. This is exactly where I think this story was spot on. In the end what were the McReary Irish but a loose collective of drunken and depleted thugs for hire? A shadow of their former selves? Facing twenty-five to life cross river? Gordon is a hood. A lowly hood at that - more so one with gambling debts the Italian Mafia can afford to muscle him on through the beginning. Akavari suggests Gordon a man once feared and respected in the Liberty City underworld, but now forgotten. His tale begins exactly as the McReary Mob, used by the Italians to do their dirty work. Who better to see their demise through the eyes of? What I probably most admire about this is how it comes full circle with the end. In that way the story not only seems a sad reflection on the demise of a thriving unit in the Irish, but a sad reflection on the demise of the thriving criminal underworld on a whole. This isn't an effect that can be captured through installing Patrick McReary as protagonist; a young man who has his whole life ahead of him, some hope. Getting on a plane out of LC to where ever his ticket takes him. Gordon on the other hand is seemingly forever doomed as a lowly thug for hire in a world where business is no longer strong. Reputations will never again hold the glory they once held. Stuck in literal purgatory.

God damn, Tyla. Here I thought you were gone forever and then you come back with this beautiful story analysis.

Gordon is no more than a lowly hood, really. I think he has a similar philosophy as Packie; live hard and die young. The whole McReary outfit fails to succeed because they are slaves to their own vices. Packie is a coke and sex addict, Gerry is an alcoholic, Derrick is a junkie, and Gordon is a degenerate gambler. You could say the only one with a future is Michael Keane. He talks about how he's saving his money up to retire the life of crime, and is generally the most juvenile of the bunch, so his death really hits home.

I may have stretched Gordon's relationship with Packie a bit, but their relationship develops over the course of the story. They do not get along early in the story, such as during Waste Not Want Knots. Following the loss of Saint Michael, they leave their bullsh*t aside and are brought a little closer. By the end of the story, they've been through so much sh*t that I'm sure they can relate to each other.

[Niko Vercetti 112]

I've always loved this topic akavari. So well constructed and would have made a quite worthy DLC for GTA IV. I was just wondering if you ever plan to come back and finish the radio stations and make the improvments to missions you said you wanted to make?

[akavari112]

QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Friday, Feb 24 2012, 22:23)

I've always loved this topic akavari. So well constructed and would have made a quite worthy DLC for GTA IV. I was just wondering if you ever plan to come back and finish the radio stations and make the improvments to missions you said you wanted to make?

Thanks for the support, guys. I never did get around to updating the topic with a new soundtrack and some tweaked missions, sorry for that. If/when I do it, it will be well-planned and meaningful. I want to fix a few plot points in the story that didn't sit well with me, and add dialogue scripts for each mission. It's a big aspiration for me considering my tendency to procrastinate, so I don't want to promise anything.

[universetwisters]

QUOTE (akavari112 @ Saturday, Feb 25 2012, 04:48)

QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Friday, Feb 24 2012, 22:23) I've always loved this topic akavari. So well constructed and would have made a quite worthy DLC for GTA IV. I was just wondering if you ever plan to come back and finish the radio stations and make the improvments to missions you said you wanted to make? Thanks for the support, guys. I never did get around to updating the topic with a new soundtrack and some tweaked missions, sorry for that. If/when I do it, it will be well-planned and meaningful. I want to fix a few plot points in the story that didn't sit well with me, and add dialogue scripts for each mission. It's a big aspiration for me considering my tendency to procrastinate, so I don't want to promise anything.

dialouge scripts will be a cool thing. it adds more depth into the story & more personality to the characters.

just out of wondering, will you be writing it using the "traditional method" like my missions/thames city missions, or will you opt for a more proffessional, like-http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8c/Screenplay_example.svg

and i believe i speak for everyone when i say "dont throw in blues/yellows". its a pain in the ass to read, lol

[akavari112]

QUOTE (universetwisters @ Saturday, Feb 25 2012, 05:01)

QUOTE (akavari112 @ Saturday, Feb 25 2012, 04:48) QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Friday, Feb 24 2012, 22:23) I've always loved this topic akavari. So well constructed and would have made a quite worthy DLC for GTA IV. I was just wondering if you ever plan to come back and finish the radio stations and make the improvments to missions you said you wanted to make? Thanks for the support, guys. I never did get around to updating the topic with a new soundtrack and some tweaked missions, sorry for that. If/when I do it, it will be well-planned and meaningful. I want to fix a few plot points in the story that didn't sit well with me, and add dialogue scripts for each mission. It's a big aspiration for me considering my tendency to procrastinate, so I don't want to promise anything. dialouge scripts will be a cool thing. it adds more depth into the story & more personality to the characters. just out of wondering, will you be writing it using the "traditional method" like my missions/thames city missions, or will you opt for a more proffessional, like-http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8c/Screenplay_example.svg and i believe i speak for everyone when i say "dont throw in blues/yellows". its a pain in the ass to read, lol

I agree that dialogue adds a lot of depth, and really makes you feel like part of the scene. I would write it out in a practical fashion, nothing complex really. If I commit to doing this, I'll probably change the story a bit too; there are some plot points I want to fix, missions I want to cut out, etc. I feel like there's some justice to be done to certain plot points. One example would be the events leading up to Gerald's incarceration. I could even rewrite the story to stand alone from Code of the Streets and Tales From Liberty City, but in that case I'd probably post it as a new version of the concept. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet, so I'll just work on it and see where it ends up.

And yes, I do my best not to rape eyes with terrible color schemes. Blue is the worst, I can't even read blue text without highlighting it.

[universetwisters]

QUOTE (akavari112 @ Saturday, Feb 25 2012, 06:00)

QUOTE (universetwisters @ Saturday, Feb 25 2012, 05:01) QUOTE (akavari112 @ Saturday, Feb 25 2012, 04:48) QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Friday, Feb 24 2012, 22:23) I've always loved this topic akavari. So well constructed and would have made a quite worthy DLC for GTA IV. I was just wondering if you ever plan to come back and finish the radio stations and make the improvments to missions you said you wanted to make? Thanks for the support, guys. I never did get around to updating the topic with a new soundtrack and some tweaked missions, sorry for that. If/when I do it, it will be well-planned and meaningful. I want to fix a few plot points in the story that didn't sit well with me, and add dialogue scripts for each mission. It's a big aspiration for me considering my tendency to procrastinate, so I don't want to promise anything. dialouge scripts will be a cool thing. it adds more depth into the story & more personality to the characters. just out of wondering, will you be writing it using the "traditional method" like my missions/thames city missions, or will you opt for a more proffessional, like-http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8c/Screenplay_example.svg and i believe i speak for everyone when i say "dont throw in blues/yellows". its a pain in the ass to read, lol I agree that dialogue adds a lot of depth, and really makes you feel like part of the scene. I would write it out in a practical fashion, nothing complex really. If I commit to doing this, I'll probably change the story a bit too; there are some plot points I want to fix, missions I want to cut out, etc. I feel like there's some justice to be done to certain plot points. One example would be the events leading up to Gerald's incarceration. I could even rewrite the story to stand alone from Code of the Streets and Tales From Liberty City, but in that case I'd probably post it as a new version of the concept. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet, so I'll just work on it and see where it ends up. And yes, I do my best not to rape eyes with terrible color schemes. Blue is the worst, I can't even read blue text without highlighting it.

sounds good, man. just be sure that you're willing to do dialouge for every mission. nothings more awkward than having 3 missions with dialouge

also, may i suggest linking certian phrases and whatnot in your dialouge to other links, like what i do? Not only it adds comic relief, but it also adds information & easter eggs. take the last mission i did for my thread (operation: ghettoblaster). I linked Trey's phrase "We've got fuel to burn & road to drive" with "Rockin in the free world" by neil young, as that's one of the lyrics. you dont have to do it, but i think it adds a lot of depth, information, and comic relief

if you need any help with dialouge or your , im willing to help out

[Money Over Bullshit]

QUOTE (akavari112 @ Saturday, Feb 25 2012, 06:00)

QUOTE (universetwisters @ Saturday, Feb 25 2012, 05:01) QUOTE (akavari112 @ Saturday, Feb 25 2012, 04:48) QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Friday, Feb 24 2012, 22:23) I've always loved this topic akavari. So well constructed and would have made a quite worthy DLC for GTA IV. I was just wondering if you ever plan to come back and finish the radio stations and make the improvments to missions you said you wanted to make? Thanks for the support, guys. I never did get around to updating the topic with a new soundtrack and some tweaked missions, sorry for that. If/when I do it, it will be well-planned and meaningful. I want to fix a few plot points in the story that didn't sit well with me, and add dialogue scripts for each mission. It's a big aspiration for me considering my tendency to procrastinate, so I don't want to promise anything. dialouge scripts will be a cool thing. it adds more depth into the story & more personality to the characters. just out of wondering, will you be writing it using the "traditional method" like my missions/thames city missions, or will you opt for a more proffessional, like-http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8c/Screenplay_example.svg and i believe i speak for everyone when i say "dont throw in blues/yellows". its a pain in the ass to read, lol I agree that dialogue adds a lot of depth, and really makes you feel like part of the scene. I would write it out in a practical fashion, nothing complex really. If I commit to doing this, I'll probably change the story a bit too; there are some plot points I want to fix, missions I want to cut out, etc. I feel like there's some justice to be done to certain plot points. One example would be the events leading up to Gerald's incarceration. I could even rewrite the story to stand alone from Code of the Streets and Tales From Liberty City, but in that case I'd probably post it as a new version of the concept. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet, so I'll just work on it and see where it ends up. And yes, I do my best not to rape eyes with terrible color schemes. Blue is the worst, I can't even read blue text without highlighting it.

I think you're better off just leaving the topic as it is man. If its not broke then don't fix it I say, besides any points which dont 100% sit well can just be chalked down to you finding your footing as a writer. This topic will always be regarded as one of the best concepts on this forum either way so why spend any extra time trying to make it any better.. Just put it to bed and let the legacy live on man

[akavari112]

QUOTE (Money Over Bullshit @ Sunday, Feb 26 2012, 17:01)

I think you're better off just leaving the topic as it is man. If its not broke then don't fix it I say, besides any points which dont 100% sit well can just be chalked down to you finding your footing as a writer. This topic will always be regarded as one of the best concepts on this forum either way so why spend any extra time trying to make it any better.. Just put it to bed and let the legacy live on man

I guess you're right. I mean, it was my first attempt at a writing project and a lot of it I was making up as I went along. I've already got two other projects going on right now, maybe the last thing I need is to be distracted with this old thing. Thanks for your advice.

[SpoonTheMan]

QUOTE (akavari112 @ Sunday, Feb 26 2012, 17:08)

I've already got two other projects going on right now

What are those other projects?

This post has been edited by SpoonTheMan on Wednesday, Mar 28 2012, 01:55

[akavari112]

QUOTE (SpoonTheMan @ Wednesday, Mar 28 2012, 01:53)

QUOTE (akavari112 @ Sunday, Feb 26 2012, 17:08) I've already got two other projects going on right now What are those other projects?

One is for a Carcer City concept, and the other is a collaboration with Tyla that takes place in Liberty City, 1978.

[Niko Vercetti 112]

Hey akavari- why didn't you follow through with the storyline with Kenny Petrovic, Gordon buying the Pillow Club, or the idea with having Claude Wome as the main antagonist?
I love this topic as it currently is. I'm just a bit curious.

EDIT: Oh and (Hypothetically) you said if you went through and put in dialouge, you would remove some missions and change plot points.- what would you want to do exactly?

This post has been edited by Niko Vercetti 112 on Wednesday, Mar 28 2012, 23:12

[akavari112]

QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Wednesday, Mar 28 2012, 23:07)

Hey akavari- why didn't you follow through with the storyline with Kenny Petrovic...

The whole situation with the ecstasy and Rami Yalon was supposed to continue into a mission strand for Kenny Petrovic, but I dropped it among a lot of other things I planned on doing. The one mission where Papi is killed offscreen and you go kill Rami Yalon was dog sh*t and I admit it, but I basically improvised it as a way to close off that loose end and focus on other things. A lot of the story I came up with as I went along, and I first set off with a couple of ideas but later cut them out because they weren't entirely relevant or necessary.

QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Wednesday, Mar 28 2012, 23:07)

...Gordon buying the Pillow Club...

The Pillow Club was supposed to be an asset acquired at the end of the story as a reward for completion. I don't really have a legitimate reason to not include it, but I guess you could say it's because Gordon doesn't seem like an entrepreneur. If I rewrite this thing maybe I'll include it at the end as a bonus, the same way you receive a mod garage at the end of Code of the Streets.

QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Wednesday, Mar 28 2012, 23:07)

...or the idea with having Claude Wome as the main antagonist?

Claude Wome was a sort of minor antagonist; having him be the ultimate villain wouldn't make much sense to me. He's an insane diamond-dealing warlord, and I don't even know how I managed to have him in the story without it seeming completely far-fetched. Fredo Volpe was a better decision in my opinion, he was a rat with dirt on half the criminal underworld and it was a community service on Gordon's behalf to take him out. I threw Claude into the mix as the equivalent of Yusuf Amir and Ray Bulgarin, a caricatured guy who gives ridiculous over-the-top missions.

QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Wednesday, Mar 28 2012, 23:07)

EDIT: Oh and (Hypothetically) you said if you went through and put in dialouge, you would remove some missions and change plot points.- what would you want to do exactly?

I wanted to write a more realistic story revolving around Gordon and the Irish mob. The gist of the story would remain intact, but it would flow better and be more reasonable.
Some info -

• A different opening to the story, and greater context as to how Gordon's massive gambling debt comes to be.
• Mark Volpe wouldn't be introduced until later, and the Messina Family in general wouldn't appear to be such a friendly and inviting organization.
• Elizabeta Torres might briefly appear as a boss, and in turn act as the catalyst to introduce Papi Ortiz.
• Gerry's downfall/arrest would be under different circumstances; D-Mack would not appear or be involved.

The only part I'm unsure about is how it would coincide with Code of the Streets. It would be unfair to ask MOB to rewrite his story, so if I can't work out a way for it to work I'll have to post it as a separate version (which I don't really want to do).

This post has been edited by akavari112 on Thursday, Mar 29 2012, 00:42

[Maxaxle]

Loving the idea, hating the theme song. Just too stereotypical!

[akavari112]

QUOTE (Maxaxle @ Thursday, Mar 29 2012, 01:07)

Loving the idea, hating the theme song. Just too stereotypical!

Got any suggestions for a new one?

[Niko Vercetti 112]

QUOTE (akavari112 @ Thursday, Mar 29 2012, 01:19)

QUOTE (Maxaxle @ Thursday, Mar 29 2012, 01:07) Loving the idea, hating the theme song. Just too stereotypical! Got any suggestions for a new one?

Don't worry the theme song is fine.

Oh and if you rewrite/redo this I recon you should give Gordon a girlfriend or something. Because (no offence) in this Gordon didn't seem to be close to anyone except for Liam and Packie (and I didn't really feel anything between him and Packie until the final section). And I feel that a girlfriend would be good to show Gordon's other side, away from the criminal life.

[akavari112]

QUOTE (Niko Vercetti 112 @ Thursday, Mar 29 2012, 22:53)

QUOTE (akavari112 @ Thursday, Mar 29 2012, 01:19) QUOTE (Maxaxle @ Thursday, Mar 29 2012, 01:07) Loving the idea, hating the theme song. Just too stereotypical! Got any suggestions for a new one? Don't worry the theme song is fine. Oh and if you rewrite/redo this I recon you should give Gordon a girlfriend or something. Because (no offence) in this Gordon didn't seem to be close to anyone except for Liam and Packie (and I didn't really feel anything between him and Packie until the final section). And I feel that a girlfriend would be good to show Gordon's other side, away from the criminal life.

I've thought about that, although Gordon doesn't seem like a ladies man and he probably just goes for the strippers and prostitutes. I get what you mean though, I should add some more intimate relationships like family members. I'll work on it, but I think having dialogue would flesh out all of the character interaction a lot better and it wouldn't feel so empty.

This post has been edited by akavari112 on Friday, Mar 30 2012, 01:08

[SWOT]

Here lad if you need any help with the dialogue just give me a buzz. I'm Irish and I'm pretty well up on the Irish lingo