[Robinski]

It's a joke about the potato famine. Christ.

[TheGreatGig23]

I eat potatoes sometimes, but not with milk. I drank milk as a baby but I'm very much alive so does that make me special?


On topic: I'm going to post a couple of Jimmy Carr jokes seeing as I'm not funny and he is.


I have no problems with buying tampons. I'm a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present.


I live near a remedial school. There's a sign on the road outside that says, 'SLOW CHILDREN'. That can't be good for their self-esteem.

[MrDanceWithLance]

What is black and white and red all over?

A sunburned zebra

[lil weasel]

Favorite Beverage among Red Heads?

Ginger Beer

[GTA_stu]

QUOTE (lil weasel @ Thursday, Mar 22 2012, 07:51)

Favorite Beverage among Red Heads? Ginger Beer

I'd have guessed a bottle of bleach, on account of their suffering and misery which they'd want to end.

[Mr Podge]

This did make me laugh...

Sorry if it's already been posted, I'm afraid I didn't really fancy reading through 45 pages to check

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Does any of the above sound familier?

[vertical limit]

QUOTE (Mr Podge @ Thursday, Mar 22 2012, 21:46)

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months. Does any of the above sound familier?

Slamman.


How do Asians name there children?
Drop a spoon on the ground and choose the first 2 sounds it makes

[lil weasel]

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

only one, but has to want to change.

[OdDsOcK]

A fellow walks into a dentist's office and says he thinks he's a moth.

"Well if you think you're a moth," inquires the dentist, "why did you come to a dentist's office?"

"Oh I don't know," the man replies, "the light was on."

[lil weasel]

A Mage walks down the street. He suddenly disappears.
How did he do it?
He turned into a Pub!

[BrentD15]

So a priest and a rabbi are walking into a Hooters.
The rabbi asks the priest "Hey, have you heard the joke about us?"

[Jeeebuuus]

Last week I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I have no idea.

[ilovebender.com]

Micheal Jackson, before he died, I used to say

Michael Jackson / Michael Jacksoff

It's kind of sad really.

I miss that joke.


So anyway, Why do blonde girls hate dildos?

Nah, I can't tell that one, I know;

What does DNA actually stand for?

National Dyslectic Association

[jackass2009]

This is an old one, I'm pretty sure that somebody has heard a variant of it before.

HOW TO GET HIRED AT A WAL-MART
A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

The first man replied, "A thought." It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "Now you sir?", he asked the second man.

"Hmmm...let me see... A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of.'

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed." He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

Bubba replied, "After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhea."

'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said Bubba. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I had already sh*t my pants."

Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

EDIT: Just for the hell of it, a couple Steven Wright jokes.

A while back, I decided to leave and go to California, so I packed up my Salvador Dali print of two blindfolded dentists trying to make a circle on an Etch-a-Sketch, and I headed for the highway and began hitchhiking. Within three minutes, I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying 20 brand new cars. I climbed up the side of the cab and opened the door. The guy said, "I don't have much room up here. Why don't you get into one of the cars out back?" So I did. He was really into picking people up because he picked up 19 more. We all had our own cars. Then he went 90 miles per hour and we all got speeding tickets.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went in one car.

This post has been edited by jackass2009 on Tuesday, Mar 27 2012, 06:02

[ilovebender.com]

Yo mama so fat, I f*cked the bitch last night, rolled over twice and was still on yo mama!
Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car!
Yo mama so dirty, saying yo mama gave me an STD!
You so ugly when you came out they slapped yo mama!

[TreyCrll]

What's the difference between a Canadian and a bottle of douche?
The bottle of Douche gets pussy

What do you call a 2 year old in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs?
Bob

Chuck Norris......

[vertical limit]

QUOTE (ilovebender.com @ Tuesday, Mar 27 2012, 16:03)

Yo mama so fat, I f*cked the bitch last night, rolled over twice and was still on yo mama! Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car! Yo mama so dirty, saying yo mama gave me an STD! You so ugly when you came out they slapped yo mama!

yo mama is so fat that when she sat on a rainbow, it rained skittles
yo mama is like a shotgun 5 cocks and shes loaded
yo mama is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks and blows and get laid in the closet
yo mama is like a mosquito, you have to slap her to get her to stop sucking

[Los Santos Pedestrian]

QUOTE (vertical limit @ Tuesday, Mar 27 2012, 20:37)

QUOTE (ilovebender.com @ Tuesday, Mar 27 2012, 16:03) Yo mama so fat, I f*cked the bitch last night, rolled over twice and was still on yo mama! Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car! Yo mama so dirty, saying yo mama gave me an STD! You so ugly when you came out they slapped yo mama! yo mama is so fat that when she sat on a rainbow, it rained skittles yo mama is like a shotgun 5 cocks and shes loaded yo mama is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks and blows and get laid in the closet yo mama is like a mosquito, you have to slap her to get her to stop sucking

Yo mama's like a monopoly board, everyone gets a turn

[vertical limit]

QUOTE (Los Santos Pedestrian @ Tuesday, Mar 27 2012, 21:01)

QUOTE (vertical limit @ Tuesday, Mar 27 2012, 20:37) QUOTE (ilovebender.com @ Tuesday, Mar 27 2012, 16:03) Yo mama so fat, I f*cked the bitch last night, rolled over twice and was still on yo mama! Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car! Yo mama so dirty, saying yo mama gave me an STD! You so ugly when you came out they slapped yo mama! yo mama is so fat that when she sat on a rainbow, it rained skittles yo mama is like a shotgun 5 cocks and shes loaded yo mama is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks and blows and get laid in the closet yo mama is like a mosquito, you have to slap her to get her to stop sucking Yo mama's like a monopoly board, everyone gets a turn

haha good one

yo mama vagina is so hairy, when your brother was coming out, he died of rug burns

[BrentD15]

Yo mama's so nasty, when she was bitten by a werewolf, he shot HIMSELF with a silver bullet.