[copperwire93]

How many mods does it takes to lock ranting thread in GTA IV PC section?

Answer
You just need CharmingCharlie

This is jokes thread so i'm not offending anyone.

[1ManArmy]

So this thread is back from the dead AGAIN?

Meh, just to pass some spare time...

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs

N-Non
A-Athletic
S-Sport
C-Created
A-Around
R-Rednecks

[jackel311]

No offence to any jews, but here are my jokes...

What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?
Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a jew?
Santa Claus went down the chimney.

[Eeshan]

oh god, this topic is back, and i am back

QUOTE

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says... "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!" __________________

[Drag_Drift]

Eeshan! you're back. And you still suck. Water on mars.

A lady went to the store to do the grocery. After browsing through the aisles, she saw a deep box with frogs inside. "c*nt eating frogs" was labeled on each one. Trying her luck, bought one, and eagerly took it home. On it's underbelly, was the directions. "step 1, take bath and wear lot of perfume. step 2, sit in bed and place frog between legs. If malfunction occurs, contact store owner" The woman eagerly took a bath and wore a lot of perfume, and placed the frog between her legs. After a while of the frog doing nothing, she called the store to 'fix' the frog malfunction. The repairguy came, took the frog, and said Stupid frog. This is the last time I'm going to demonstrate this for you...

[Girish]

QUOTE (jackel311 @ Feb 10 2009, 16:20)

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a jew? Santa Claus went down the chimney.

Haha, this one gave me a good laugh.


A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

[GtaHitmanStrikesBack]

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To Meet His Flat Mate

[YoungJoe94]

What did the blonde say when she was told she was pregnant?
Is it mine?

[GtaHitmanStrikesBack]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

A little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The little guy says, "I just did that." The big guy then beats the little guy up.

[PacMaan]

I'm wondering if jokes about the Australian bushfires would be appropriate.... or is it too soon?

[copperwire93]

QUOTE (PacMaan @ Feb 10 2009, 22:10)

I'm wondering if jokes about the Australian bushfires would be appropriate.... or is it too soon?

Forget about your jokes! You will only expose yourself as jerk! They had a rough time mate!

[PacMaan]

QUOTE (copperwire93 @ Feb 10 2009, 13:16)

QUOTE (PacMaan @ Feb 10 2009, 22:10) I'm wondering if jokes about the Australian bushfires would be appropriate.... or is it too soon?  Forget about your jokes! You will only expose yourself as jerk! They had a rough time mate!

And black people haven't? lolz

[rnz1369]

What does a deaf, blind, retarted boy with down syndrome get for christmas?

cancer

A women is giving birth in a hospital and she is in pain,
finally the doctor gets the baby out, holds it up by a leg,
raises it over his head and slams it with his head on the table cracking its skull..
The woman screams: "what are you doing!?"
Doctor sais: "relax, its a joke, it has been born dead"

[makeshyft]

QUOTE (rnz1369 @ Feb 10 2009, 23:34)

retarted

Ohhh! Is funny because there no such word, jeah?

kekeke

[PacMaan]

My girlfriend came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

[rnz1369]

QUOTE (makeshyft @ Feb 10 2009, 14:37)

QUOTE (rnz1369 @ Feb 10 2009, 23:34) retarted Ohhh! Is funny because there no such word, jeah? kekeke

dajjum.. he got me

[GTArv]

I laughed pretty hard the first time I read this:

QUOTE

There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy, honeymooning in Jamaica. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker." John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done. As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when heo was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y. Suddenly, a big Jamaican steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed. So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too." The Jamaican looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?" John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?" The Jamaican laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."

[Drag_Drift]

QUOTE (GTArv @ Feb 10 2009, 13:51)

I laughed pretty hard the first time I read this: QUOTE There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy, honeymooning in Jamaica. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker." John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done. As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when heo was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y. Suddenly, a big Jamaican steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed. So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too." The Jamaican looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?" John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?" The Jamaican laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."

Haha we have a local version of that, and it says "Welcome to Baguio City summer capital of the Philippines. Enjoy your stay, Mabuhay!"

[DreamsLieHere]

This is pretty funny although it's fake

QUOTE

A man was about to go on a business trip overseas, and his wife was a sexaholic. Afraid that his wife would cheat on him and would go on f-cking other men, he decided to go to the sex shop. "My wife is a sexaholic and I'm afraid she would cheat on me...what do you have?" He asked the shopkeeper. "I've got just the thing you need." The shopkeeper replied, and took out a dildo-like thing. "That looks like any other regular dildo," The man said. "No...it's special. Look." "Voodoo Penis, the door!" It began f-cking the door until it broke. The man was impressed and decided to send one to his wife. When the man was overseas, his wife was getting horny and decided to use the Voodoo Penis. "Voodoo Penis, my vagina!" And it started f-cking her hard. Unfortunately for her though she was always orgasming and she did not know how to stop it. She had to go to the hospital as the Voodoo Penis was f-cking her too hard. On the way to the hospital, she was driving in circles as she can't drive properly while getting f-cked. In the hospital, the doctor asked her: "Have you been drinking any alcoholic drinks?" "No," she replied. "However I've been getting f-cked by this Voodoo Penis." "Voodoo Penis my ass," The doctor said, not believing her.

This cracked me up hard.

[Picolini]

How was copper wire invented?

Two jews fighting over a penny.