[DP Man]

So a while back I asked on advice on some girl I liked and long story straight, she was in love with me back so we started a relationship. Fast forward to a month and one week later, she messages me over Facebook telling me that she's losing feelings for me and that she's been feeling depressed over it during the last few days. She said this was because I'm too clingy, too "full-on" and that my constant reminders of how beautiful and that I love her were making her feel a bit bad.

What do I do? We're taking a break until she "gets back on track" but I don't want to lose her because I genuinely love her so much that it hurts. I don't know if this is wishful thinking but I think something else may be bothering her, I've been somewhat worried about her for the last few days and I have a feeling that how I've been acting isn't the main cause of this.

Keep these points in mind...
- I tell her how beautiful she is a lot because she is beautiful and suffers from crippling self-esteem issues caused by her mother (She called here worthless, fat, ugly, a slut etc everyday for the last 3 years to break her and it worked)
- She said she still loves me
- She was crying whilst writing me this message and used a ":'s" emoticon (She always uses them but not during this period.)
- She said she's broken down and cut because she can never see how beautiful she is
- She said she'll break down if we talked about this face to face (Not sure if that's good or bad...)
- She said it's okay because I didn't know these things were affecting her
- She said "i know and i feel like the biggest bitch for acting like this :'s" during our conversation
- She said "i dont like it when people care about me because i hurt them in the end, like now." so I think she's had some bad experiences with people that cared about her...
- She said she wants to deal with all of this alone (That means no one at all, not just me)
- She said she still wants to hang out and talk during this break, I even told her that she doesn't have to but she says she wants to.


What do I do guys ? This is my first relationship and I literately fell in love with her at first sight, please help me out? </3

[Typhus]

There is no such thing as a 'break'. It's a euphemism to spare your feelings. The relationship is over and you should move on.
Want some advice? The girl needed someone strong to take charge of her, weak people gravitate towards those who are dominant and commanding. You however felt that the best course of action was to coddle her, pander to her insecurities, in doing so you made yourself look insecure and desperate. She most likely sensed this which only exacerbated her own feelings of worthlessness. You should have been stronger.

[ryuclan]

Give her time.

[HydraulicWaRiOr]

Is this like an online dating thing or what?

Call your f*cking woman man. See her in person. Buy her a f*cking gift for Christ sake. That Facebook sh*t doesn't work.

[lt_yao]

QUOTE (Typhus @ Monday, Aug 13 2012, 14:16)

There is no such thing as a 'break'. It's a euphemism to spare your feelings. The relationship is over and you should move on. Want some advice? The girl needed someone strong to take charge of her, weak people gravitate towards those who are dominant and commanding. You however felt that the best course of action was to coddle her, pander to her insecurities, in doing so you made yourself look insecure and desperate. She most likely sensed this which only exacerbated her own feelings of worthlessness. You should have been stronger.

Very much this, me and this girl have been taking a break for 4 years now.

[ajbns87]

Girls have these moments, that lack any reason, she was feeling the relationship was not going anyway or questioning it, it could be just a temporary feeling she has, and perhaps you can try to work it out. It could be over, who knows with women!

My advice would be to tell her, sure let's have a break, stop calling her beautiful and don't let any of these sad feelings you have right now obvious to her, be solid as a rock.

As for insecurities about her looks, it seems she might be a bit on the crazy-side, in the long term do you really want the hassle of reminding her how good she looks? Trust me after 5 years, it get's pretty annoying, but if she is hotter than she is crazy, like me just stick with it

Try Giving her space, and give the relationship time, if it's meant to be, it shall be.

Good luck buddy.

[DP Man]

QUOTE (Typhus @ Aug 13 2012, 11:16)

There is no such thing as a 'break'. It's a euphemism to spare your feelings. The relationship is over and you should move on. Want some advice? The girl needed someone strong to take charge of her, weak people gravitate towards those who are dominant and commanding. You however felt that the best course of action was to coddle her, pander to her insecurities, in doing so you made yourself look insecure and desperate. She most likely sensed this which only exacerbated her own feelings of worthlessness. You should have been stronger.

I've been thinking that and I'm probably going to consider this if nothing improves tomorrow.

QUOTE (HydraulicWaRiOr @ Aug 13 2012, 11:24)

Is this like an online dating thing or what? Call your f*cking woman man. See her in person. Buy her a f*cking gift for Christ sake. That Facebook sh*t doesn't work.

It's not that simple, I wish it was. I'm going to try talking to her tomorrow but I'm afraid it'll ruin any chance we have :'l


EDIT

QUOTE

Girls have these moments, that lack any reason, she was feeling the relationship was not going anyway or questioning it, it could be just a temporary feeling she has, and perhaps you can try to work it out. It could be over, who knows with women! My advice would be to tell her, sure let's have a break, stop calling her beautiful and don't let any of these sad feelings you have right now obvious to her, be solid as a rock. As for insecurities about her looks, it seems she might be a bit on the crazy-side, in the long term do you really want the hassle of reminding her how good she looks? Trust me after 5 years, it get's pretty annoying, but if she is hotter than she is crazy, like me just stick with it  Try Giving her space, and give the relationship time, if it's meant to be, it shall be. Good luck buddy.

Thank you AJ, I'll stay as strong as I possibly can <3

This post has been edited by DP Man on Monday, Aug 13 2012, 11:29

[Carl CJ Johnsons Brother Brian]

Give a break for a few days so not too short and not too long and hen surprise her with something big, something that she really love. A gift wouldn't be bad and like HydraulicWaRiOr said that this facebook sh*t doesn't work well and ajbns87 is right too. Good luck, man. I hope that everything is fine for you soon.

[DP Man]

See the problem is that she never really likes me buying her gifts or even paying for our dates :s

[Carl CJ Johnsons Brother Brian]

QUOTE (DP Man @ Monday, Aug 13 2012, 11:30)

See the problem is that she never really likes me buying her gifts or even paying for our dates :s

Oh, okay I know this from my ex girlfriend. Wait a few days and then talk to her. Ask her what's exactly wrong and if it's already better after these few days. It's hard to tell because I don't know you or your girlfriend. I wish I could help you.

[DP Man]

QUOTE (Carl CJ Johnsons Brother Brian @ Aug 13 2012, 11:37)

QUOTE (DP Man @ Monday, Aug 13 2012, 11:30) See the problem is that she never really likes me buying her gifts or even paying for our dates :s Oh, okay I know this from my ex girlfriend. Wait a few days and then talk to her. Ask her what's exactly wrong and if it's already better after these few days. It's hard to tell because I don't know you or your girlfriend. I wish I could help you.

I was thinking I'll talk to her on Thursday, is that too long to wait for?

Okay guys what should I say to her on Thursday? Keep in mind that I want to make it as comfortable as possible for us two.

[Rebel]

Back off in telling her shes always really good looking and that you love her all of the time. That sh*t just grates on you after awhile. Especially if the girls got low self esteem she probably cringes every time you've said something like that.

I'd probably leave for her a couple of days so she can get a better grip on herself, and then see if you can actually ask what's really wrong with her if you know its not just about you. She might give in and tell you, which might make her feel better and after a couple more days she might want to be back with you.

Seriously though, lay off all of the mushy crap for awhile so she can get a grip.

[shiva s]

Give a break. But, make sure if she broke up with any guy before you met eachother. This happened to one of my friend. Sometimes, girls fear that they'll break up with their new boyfriend just like they did with their previous boyfriend. This break thingy could be the result of her fear.
Hope this helps.

[methods]

Just move on dude, theres better sh*t to do then mope around being upset about girls.

[GunWrath]

Let me get straight to the point man, no sense in throwing a cherry on top. Just move on, she obviously isn't ready for a committed relationship, no matter how you look at it. But one thing that stuck out to me about yourself though, you were too "clingy" and possibly said "I love you" too much. If I were a female, I'd hit the door as well. Don't take this as me being rude, but telling you how it truly is. I've been with one girl since school man, we aren't married, we have a child and life is good. She's a wonderful woman, treats me well, feeds me, entertains me and keeps me satisfied, as I do the same for her. We rarely throw the Love word out there, because we already know we love each other, we don't need to hear it.

Her and I have an open relationship, in which she is bi-curious, so she occasionally brings one of her female friends over or she goes on dates with other women. Which is nice, it doesn't bother me at all. It keeps her "sexual" side pleased when I'm not there to take care of it and it lets her know that I trust her. In order for any relationship to work, you can't constantly be with her or any female for that matter, too much time together will in the end separate the both of you. Because you will run out of topics to talk about, get too used to each others physical interactions and emotional interactions. You have to have space in a relationship. Private time is the best time.. because remember, you have a whole life ahead of you, no need to waste it up the girl's ass.

Also, I noticed you two have only been together for a month? Yet you're already clingy, throwing I love you's like it's candy and other things. Tsk tsk, that's not healthy at all. From personal experience, just chalk the girl up as experience, learn from your mistakes and don't go rushing or looking for a relationship, just let it happen. Another thing, why did she tell you on Facebook? Is that how you two are dating? Online? or what.. because if she's an actual partner of yours, real-life, I would have lost abit of affection for her just because she chose to do it through a message rather than in person or atleast a phonecall.

I don't know man, do what you think is right, but don't become a stalker.. just let it go, let her go, and move on.

(Plus it's your first love man, those are always the hardest.. It gets better. There's sites to help you through that.)

This post has been edited by GunWrath on Monday, Aug 13 2012, 12:27

[ThePinkFloydSound]

I'd take Rebel's good advice.

Don't smother her. You'll only drive her away as you are doing now. She's giving you a lifeline by not breaking up with you and going on a break.

Give her time. Don't try contact. Show her that you don't 'need' her. Go out have some fun. When she see's your out having fun and 'not' thinking of her she'll come back to you when she's ready. If/when she does. Play it cool. Let her know you were full on. Tell her and show her that you've had time to think about your situation and that you promise you will be more cool in the future.

A lot of girls and guys are attracted to what they seemingly can't have. It's OK and fun to tease her as well. My new GF has insecurities so I slag her about them in a playful and teasing way, turning her insecurities in to a joke. More like I'm showing her I don't care. I fancy her as she is and she shouldn't be so self-concious. If every time she said she was insecure about something and I took it seriously and just told her she's beautiful, she'd get bored and smothered. I play it cool and tease her over it.

Good luck with whatever happens.

[Darrel]

Losing feelings for someone after only a month is not normal. The sparks should still be flying and you want to see that person every chance you get.

And yeah you need to cut the facebook crap, and MSN or whatever you use out of ANY relationship.


My girl is always the first to say "i love you ,night" or" love you" randomly. Dont let anyone tell you that its not ok to say you love someone though, or call them beautiful. Just don't over do it.

This post has been edited by Darrel on Monday, Aug 13 2012, 12:55

[Chunk]

You seem like a nice guy, mate. There's some great advice in here. Take it on board and you'll be fine.

[Lightning Strike]

A question that needs to be asked to better understand these circumstances, how old are both of you ? If you're very young fourteen/fifteen then it's nothing to worry about and girls come and go during that period. I'm currently in a relationship with someone and we've been together for nearly seven months and she's only just moved into my apartment, so don't bother with her if she can't be with you for more than a month, you're trying breath life into something that never lived.

It's hard to understand why some people don't reciprocate the feelings that you have for them but perhaps they're just not ready yet, this can be due to a number of issues such as age, inexperience, or previous relationships that ended quite badly. By the sound of it this relationship doesn't sound to serious anyway considering that she wouldn't even brake up with you face to face and had to use a social networking site.

[Jimmy_Leppard]

Man, I'm in a very similar situation right now. Someone stated earlier: ''Who knows with women?'' - And that's the biggest truth.

I talked to a very close female friend of mine and she said they get into that kind of state sometimes. You can be harsh to your girl, she won't like it. You can be polite and caring and she won't like that either sometimes. You have to experiment and see what makes her happy, what makes her sad and watch or read closely, whatever.

Sometimes, I guess it's the best to take couple of steps back no matter how painful it is. Be friends with her. Just be there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or something. Suppress your feelings a little. But, as someone else stated earlier, it's your first love, man. If the thing doesn't work out, move on.