The Joke Thread C'mon, show of Your Comedy HERE!
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GTAction99  |
 Posted: Saturday, Mar 30 2013, 11:55
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Gran Turismo 6. GT6. GeeTeeSics.
Group: Members
Joined: Nov 18, 2011
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A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, ‘May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, ‘OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.’
‘Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,’ said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. !
She went to the bartender and said, ‘Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?’
‘Well, now they know you’re one of us,’ said the bartender, ‘Would you like a drink?’
‘No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,’ said the puzzled nun.
‘You see,’ laughed the bartender, ‘every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink?’
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My English teacher said to me "Use 'harassment' in a sentence"
I replied "I was in love with this girl and harassment a lot to me"
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Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't fit you anyway."
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In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young woman. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young woman proposes, "If each of you will give me $5.00, I will show you my legs."
The men, charmed by this young woman, all pull 5 bucks out of their wallet. And then the woman pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $20.00, I'll show you my thighs,".
And men being what they are, they all pull out a twenty dollar bill. The woman pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young woman says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The woman then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
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For two years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money to go to Italy and secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how would he know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, nine months later, he come home to his confused wife. “Honey!”, she said “you received a very strange post card today.”
He said ‘just give it to me and I will explain later’. She watched as he read the card, turned white and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti
Three with meatballs, two without…send extra sauce.
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I'd tell you a joke about punctuation, but there's no point
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