[cammi]

Map Of The Islands
http://i.imgur.com/11xlt.png

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Characters


Eli



Eli had an easy life in Eden City before it was raised from the sea. He was the only
person who didn't succumb to Pear Inc's brainwashing. His best friends were killed
by Pear Inc guards for rebelling leaving him hating Pear Inc. He will stop at
nothing to destroy Pear Inc.

Wayne



Wayne joined the army after his father got kidnapped by a member of The Freeway MC. He looks to Sergeant Withers as a father figure, he still doesn't know where his real father is. He had a secret ambition to kill Rusty.

MORE COMING SOON
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Radio Stations

Billboard FM

1.Mercy- Kayne West, Big Sean, Pusha T, 2Chainz
2.Lemme See - Usher,Rick Ross
3.Heart Attack - Trey Songz
4.Nobody's Perfect - J.Cole, Missy Elliot
5.Amen- Meek Mill, Drake
6.Work Hard,Play Hard - Wiz Khalifa
7.Enough Of Love - Keyshia Cole, Lil Wayne
8. Beez In The Trap - Nicki Minaj, 2 Chainz
9. Sweet Love - Chris Brown
10. Still Speedin - Sway

More Coming Soon
























----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am adding speech soon.
I am making this into a videogame.
Protagonist = Eli - Concept Art coming soon
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mission 1: Escape From Eden City

Escape From Eden City - Tutorial - Auto Starts

(Starts in Houses of Eden)

Eli: Just over 10 years ago, this place was heaven. Now its a mess, the city raised from the sea and painted black and white. Colourless. All thanks to Pear Incorporated, the company that made uPhones now has control of our city and everything in it. My old house was knocked down to have a spy helicopter base on it, pathectic. Its time for me to go back to the Islands that I grew up in.

(Eli climbs out of the window and walks up the ladders to the roof)

Obj:Get gun from your roof

(Eli loads the gun)

Eli: Yeah, locked and loaded.

Obj:Sneak past the spy helicopter via the roofs

Spy Helicopter: Target spotted....... Target lost

Eli: That was a close one.

Obj:Climb the spy helicopter HQ

Eli: Good thing I can remember how to climb, lets do this.

Obj:Wait for the spy helicopter to land

Spy Helicopter : Confirm landing

Obj:Shoot the pilot

Pilot: Wait, who are y-

Obj:Steal the helicopter

(Eli gets in the helicopter in a cutscene where he almost crashes)

Eli: It doesnt look so hard on flight simulator

Obj:fly to the Pear guard fort

Eli: Just got to land now, f*ck it I will jump

(Eli hovers over the monorail track and waits for it to come)

Obj:Jump from helicopter onto Monorail Car 1 Roof

Eli: Whoa, what a rush.

Obj:Jump to the roof of Monorail Car 2 as it passes

(Eli drops down into the monorail car and walks over to the controls, buttons are prompt on the screen)

Obj: Make the monorail car switch tracks

Obj: Use the Monorail to reach the roof of Pear inc. HQ

Eli: Now I Just have to wait to the roof.

(The monorail switches to an elevator and shoots up to the roof. Eli gets off and spots a parachute on the floor)

Eli: Thats handy.

Obj:Take the parachute from the roof of Pear Inc. HQ


Obj: Jump off the roof and Parachute to the gap in the wall around Eden City

(The gap is a small broken part of the wall that Eli would have to squeeze through, the guards start to shoot at you)

Obj: Kill all 5 guards at the wall.

Obj: Jump off Eden City via the wall gap.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Mission 2 : Long Way To Fall - Eli - Auto Starts

(Eli starts to fall fast and some gun helicopters catch up with him)

Eli:Holy f*ck

Obj:Dodge the bullets from the Pear Inc helicopters as you fall into the sea

(Helicopters are shot down by a military boat, The military boat approaches you)

Eli: Hey over here

(The boat stops near you. A military sergeant helps you onto the boat)

Sergeant Withers: Thats some escape kid, Im Sergeant Withers.

Eli: I am Eli Fixx, nice to meet you. Thanks for saving me back there.

Sergeant Withers: You are going to return the favor now. More of them birdies are coming.

Obj: Reach the left mounted gun

Obj: Kill the first wave of helicopters

Obj: Kill the second wave of helicopters

Obj: Reach the right mounted gun

Obj: Kill the third wave of helicopters

Obj: Kill the last wave of helicopters

Obj: Go back to Sergant Withers

Sergant Withers: Now we are even but the captain is dead, so you drive. And this is my best soldier, Wayne.

(Wayne steps forward and shakes Eli's hand)

Obj: Drive boat to Artillery Peak Base.

Eli: Stuff has changed a lot round here

(reward - Safe house at Artillery Peak Barracks)

Missions Unlocked - Partners In Justice - Wayne - Artillery Peak
-Recruited - Sergant Withers - Artillery Peak

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mission 3 :Partners In Justice - Wayne - Artillery Peak

(starts in Waynes Barracks at Artillery Peak )

Obj: Enter Waynes Barracks

Wayne: The English Soldiers are trying to take over the Islands. Come help me.

(Wayne runs over to the 1st Artillery Cannon)

Obj: Reach the 2nd Artillery Cannon

Obj: Shoot the 1st Wave of English Army Boats

Obj Reach the 3rd Artillery Cannon

Obj: Shoot the 2nd Wave of English Army Boats

( Wayne shouts and tells you that a boat has reached the Artillery Peak dock, Wayne throws a pistol to you)

Obj: Run down to the docks

Obj: Kill all 7 of the soldiers

Obj: Go back to Wayne

(Reward - $200)

Missions Unlocked - Wayne - Target Practice - Artillery Peak

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This post has been edited by cammi on Saturday, Aug 4 2012, 21:40

[Coat.]

Eh, I think you should of planned your story before posting this. All I see is an oversized map.

[AceRay]

Instead of giving us an underwhelming map, why not start this off by describing the environment or getting us emotionally involved with the characters. Seriously, write the thing first and then the posts will come, don't post topics with just "coming soon" in them and a teaser.

[Mokrie Dela]

QUOTE (AceRay @ Monday, Jul 30 2012, 10:43)

Instead of giving us an underwhelming map, why not start this off by describing the environment or getting us emotionally involved with the characters. Seriously, write the thing first and then the posts will come, don't post topics with just "coming soon" in them and a teaser.

im not even going to bother. The fella ignores advice, and alarm bells ring, i think he'll abandon this as he has done with other stuff. I'm not even going to give it the time of day, as he cba

[cammi]

Missions 1 to 3 added

[El Zilcho]

This is horrific, I'm sorry. There is zero characterisation, description, plot, anything. It's a bare bones outline of mission command prompts - this isn't even fiction. Please, come back when you've taken time to write something concrete that can hook an audience... perhaps start with an introduction to the setting or characters, and then proceed, weaving the gameplay into it, rather than throwing a load of narration at us. This feels like a walk through.

[cammi]

QUOTE (El Zilcho @ Monday, Jul 30 2012, 20:03)

This is horrific, I'm sorry. There is zero characterisation, description, plot, anything. It's a bare bones outline of mission command prompts - this isn't even fiction. Please, come back when you've taken time to write something concrete that can hook an audience... perhaps start with an introduction to the setting or characters, and then proceed, weaving the gameplay into it, rather than throwing a load of narration at us. This feels like a walk through.

I am making some concept art of the locations. And some drawings of the characters and vehicles and weapons

[Coat.]

QUOTE

Please, come back when you've taken time to write something concrete that can hook an audience... perhaps start with an introduction to the setting or characters, and then proceed

Exactly my thought.

[Lethal Nizzle]

This a pretty poor attempt at a game-script IMO. There's hardly any detail concerning the surroundings or supporting characters. When the "Sergeant Withers" character is introduced, try and describe his appearance. I know on games such as GTA the game doesn't blurt out a monologue along the lines of "he is medium built with green eyes" as we can obviously see this, but here we can't and I have no idea what this guy looks like. Hell, even the main character isn't described to the reader.

If I were you, I would check out game-scripts that have been posted here over the years, such as TonyZimmzy's Heart City and Heart City Stories. He goes into a large amount of detail to really flesh out the characters and location, something that you haven't done. I'm not saying go into the same amount of detail as him, as it is quite a lot to take in at first, but to make a more believable story/script you need to flesh it out alot more, otherwise the readers will care little for it.

[cammi]

I added more about the characters.

[lee_atsugai]

You should improve your story/game script a lot, cammi. I mean, just like Lethal Nizzle said, you should take a look at another game script that has been created years ago. I also read Heart City trilogy, and it's so f*cking cool. Try to make this game script more detailed, not just like "Objective 1: Kill him" and "Objective 2: Escape", seriously, it's so boring. I would like to see more effort from you in making this story/game script

[cammi]

added a radio station, will add more tomorrow.

[AceRay]

Isn't this a concept thread? Shouldn't this belong in GTA Series Chat? I mean, if you're adding radio stations and stuff then I feel it belongs there instead.